Overheard at Vatican City:

Pope Francis I

“We have to stop taking the world down this road of continuing violence against one another.”

Pope Francis I, in his New Year’s address

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Jesus Christ

“Franny, please tell me: How do you define rape? Is it a crime of lust or a crime of violence?”

Jesus Christ, son of God

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Pope Francis I

“It is a crime of violence, Jesus! Violence! Rape is always about violence and abuse of power!”

Pope Franny

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Jesus Christ

“So here you are encouraging people to stop going down this road of violence—"

Jesus Christ

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Pope Francis I

“Of course I am. What you expect? I tell them to get more violent?”

Pope Franny

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Jesus Christ

“Don’t be a wiseass, Franny. My point is that you are encouraging the world to stop the violence, beseeching them to stop the violence, yet you do nothing to stop the violent rape of children by the Church’s priests on a daily basis. Kind of running a double standard there, aren’t you, Bubba?”

Jesus Christ

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Pope Francis I

“Jesus, I appointed a commission to look into this sexual abuse you say is happening. What more do you want me to do? Feeding the hungry poor children is a full-time job, you know. There is only so much one pope can do. I’m out working the streets every night feeding the poor children just to try and keep up.”

Pope Franny

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Jesus Christ

 “I can’t tell you how to solve the problem, Franny, but I can tell you appointing a commission is bullshit. Verily, verily I say unto you, it’s B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T! You have to find the solution. And you won’t do that by sitting around counting your rosary beads. Or by stepping out late at night to feed the hungry children. That is a little creepy, you know. Sneaking out… late at night…. offering the hungry children food… That’s how a lot of pedophiles find their victims, you know.”

Jesus Christ

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Pope Francis I

“Do you piss on everyone’s parade or is it just mine? You prick. But who am I to judge?”

Pope Franny

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Jesus Christ

 

“I go wherever I am needed and welcome, Franny.”

Jesus Christ