Overheard at the North Pole:

Santa Claus

“I am so glad Christmas is over. Now people will stop talking about my color and go back to insulting each other. Happy fucking New Year, folks.”

Santa Claus

Overheard at the Mall:

Santa

“All this fury over my color! What if the world found out I was gay and Mrs. Claus is my REAL beard? Shhhhhhhh. Mum's the word.”

Santa Claus

Overheard at the Mall:

Santa Claus

“And not only does Megyn Kelly suck ass, she is mean, too. Always has been. For a long time I thought her family just needed the coal for their furnace because I could not believe one kid could be such a cunt. Anyway, I’m any color you want me to be, kids. I’m magic, remember?”

Santa Claus