Overheard in New Jersey:

Chris Christie

“Bridgegate? Oh, that won’t keep me from running for president. We’ve got two years to go yet. By the time the campaign rolls around, everyone will forgotten everything except I’m a really nice guy who eats a fucking shitload of doughnuts. That’s politics in America, baby.”

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie (R)

Overheard in New Jersey:

Chris Christie

“I have some good news for you: My administration's investigation into the George Washington Bridge lane closures debacle has cleared me of all wrong doing, so let’s chalk one up for the good guy! What? Why are you laughing? Pass the peanut butter.”

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie (R)

Overheard in New Jersey:

Chris Christie

“Give jobs to my friends, allies and cronies? Steer contracts to my friends? Inflate contracts for my supporters? I would never. Now pass the Nutella; I hear it is yummy.

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie (R)

Overheard at CPAC:

Chris Christie

“I’m just an average guy like all of you out there, all be it, probably a helluva lot bigger and far more dishonest. And Charles and David Koch, the billionaires who have funded more conservative hate and attack ads than any other source during recent elections are regular guys just like you, too. They are great Americans! They aren’t in it for themselves!”

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie (R), speaking at the Conservative Political Action Conference

Overheard at CPAC:

Chris Christie

“Democrats are intolerant pricks! They are W-A-A-A-A-Y worse than Republicans! You can tell how intolerant Democrats are just by the way they smell, the clothes they wear and how they eat their doughnuts. Intolerant bastards!”

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie (R), speaking at the Conservative Political Action Conference

Overheard in New Jersey:

Chris Christie

“Pretty fucking cool how nobody at my town hall meetings asks about Bridgegate, isn’t it? Pass me the butter.”

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie (R)