Overheard in Wyoming:

Liz Cheney

“Daddy, I just can’t go on. I’m going to halt my campaign for the Senate. People just don’t fucking like me, perhaps because they can see I’m bat shit fuck crazy, or maybe it is even because of all this anti-lezbo stuff. Whatever it is, I’m going to say it’s because of family illness and then I’ll check back into the mental health clinic for a tuneup. I’m about to have a meltdown.”

Liz 'Not Lez' Cheney, now former Senate candidate in Wyoming and daughter of former Vice President Dick 'Darth Vader' Cheney

- - -

Dick Cheney

“It’s your goddam sister’s fault, her and her ‘wifey’! If they hadn’t responded with such hate and vitriol to your own hateful and vitriolic remarks, and had just kept their lesbian mouths shut, you’d be ahead in this race, I just know it.”

Dick Cheney, former vice president and demon from hell

- - -

Liz Cheney

“Lesbians can’t keep their mouths shut, Daddy. That’s what they do—use their mouths. That’s why they call them ‘carpet munchers.’ DIDN’T YOU KNOW THAT?”

Liz Cheney

- - -

Dick Cheney

  “Yes, I think I did know all of that, but I didn’t need to hear it come out of YOUR mouth, Liz. Are you trying to kill this new heart as well? Now tell me: are you feeling as if you are going to start stabbing people again?”

Dick Cheney

- - -

Liz Cheney

  

“Absolutely, Daddy. And If I don’t go and check myself in, I think my kids and husbands are going to be next. They will be safer if I’m back in the clinic and can just stab the other patients.”

Liz Cheney

- - -

Dick Cheney

“Then run, my sweet daughter. Get yourself back into the clinic. We don’t want any dead grand-babies. Your mother and I can’t take anything more—having a lesbian daughter is bad enough!”

Dick Cheney

Overheard in Wyoming:

Liz Cheney

“So what if my husband is registered to vote in two states. Isn’t everyone?”

Liz “Not Lez” Cheney, Senate candidate in Wyoming and daughter of former Vice President Darth Vader.

Overheard in an Email:

Liz 'Not Lez' Cheney

“The Washington establishment is working against me! They won’t give a poor girl a break! They are fighting hard to keep those blasted overspending incumbents in office.”

Liz Cheney, in a fundraising email sent out this week.

- - -

Babe

“Umm… excuse me, Ms. Cheney? Could I ask a question please, ma'am?”

Babe, actor/famous talking pig/re-election campaign manager for Sen. Mitch McConnell

- - -

Liz 'Not Lez' Cheney

“Of course you can. I love pork. Particularly rolled in grape jelly and then coated with Frito's Corn Chips before being roasted.”

Liz Cheney

- - -

Babe

“Uhm… can you tell me where your most successful fundraising event has been held so far?”

Babe

- - -

Liz 'Not Lez' Cheney

“Why … it was in Washington. What’s the point, pig?””

Liz Cheney

- - -

Babe

“And who attended that event? Did you fly people in from Wyoming, Ms. Cheney?”

Babe

- - -

Liz 'Not Lez' Cheney

“Why … no. It was actually attended by … a group of very rich members of the Washington … population.”

Liz Cheney

- - -

Babe

“Don’t you mean the Washington Establishment? The same people you say are protecting the incumbents? And yet they are donating to you, and here you are, definitely a member of that same group, holding fundraisers outside of Wyoming, trying to raise some big bucks. Don’t you find that a little bit hypocritical?”

Babe

- - -

Liz 'Not Lez' Cheney

 

“Shut up, pig.”

Liz Cheney

- - -

Babe

"You know how much we look alike, right? We're practically twins."

Babe

Overheard on Fox:

Dick Cheney

 

“Nelson Mandela was a goddam terrorist and I am glad I voted not to support the United States’ 'free Mandela/anti-apartheid efforts' in South Africa. Mandela was one uppity nigger in the 1980s. I approve of him now only because he mellowed out in his later years. I guess those 27 years he was imprisoned just for his beliefs in human dignity and racial equality taught him something.”

Dick Cheney, former vice president

- - -

Liz Cheney

“If my daddy says it, you know it’s true, because he is smarter than Jesus.”

Liz Cheney, candidate for Senate from Wyoming, and daughter of former vice president Dick Cheney. Cheney is ultra-conservative, a seasoned liar, and a thoroughly unpleasant woman.