Overheard in Mitch McConnell's Office:

“I oppose military strikes on Syria. The president has no real plan, no real goal, other than to cause mayhem. The president knows nothing about anything, particularly how to launch a secret military strike! And don’t you just LOVE how I waited until the issue was resolved—the Syrians are turning over all of their chemical weapons to an international committee—before I said one fucking word about it! Have I got the touch or what?”

Minority Senate Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Kentucky)

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“Excellent job, Sen. McConnell! See? Old dogs can learn new tricks!”

Babe, famous talking pig and manager of McConnell’s re-election campaign

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Mitch McConnell

“Wanna go to breakfast with us? We’re going out for pancakes and sausage.”

Sen. McConnell

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“You are a cruel man, Sen. McConnell.”

Babe

Overheard in Mitch's Office:

Mitch McConnell

“Goddamit, I am losing my death grip on the Senate GOP. I can’t tolerate not being the most important man in every room! My ego will just turn into a black hole and suck the entire universe into itself. Now how do I get back on top? It’s all the fault of that jackass John McCain. Oh, and ‘Mr. BULLSHIT’ himself, Bob Corker. When is the last time you’ve heard Corker’s name? Exactly! But he is now famous for yelling ‘BULLSHIT’ at me. Well, let me tell you all one thing: I am probably the most evil person in the world next to Dick Cheney, and I will be back on top in no time. You all can take that straight to the bank. Or donate it to my campaign fund.”

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Kentucky), whose personal fortune is estimated at $50 million.

Overheard in Harry Reid's Office:

Mitch McConnell

"Sen. Reid, you used to support the filibuster!"

Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-Kentucky), Senate Minority Leader

Harry Reid

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"You used to support the nuclear option!"

Sen. Harry Reid (D) Senate Majority Leader

Mitch McConnell

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"You say tom-ah-to!"

Harry Reid

Sen. McConnell

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"You say to-may-toe!"

Mitch McConnell

Sen. Reid

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"You used to date boys!"

Sen. McConnell

Harry Reid

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"You still do!"

Sen. Reid

Mitch McConnell

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"I fucked your mother! She charged $1."

Harry Reid

Sen. McConnell

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"Your dad blew me and paid me $100!"

Mitch McConnell

Sen. Reid

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"I love ya Harry!"

Sen. McConnell

Harry Reid

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"I love you, too, Mitch!"

Sen. Reid

Mitch McConnell

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"But you still blow dead elephants!"

Sen. McConnell

Harry Reid

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 "As do you, but at least I don't swallow."

Sen. Reid

Overheard in Kentucky:

Mitch McConnell

"When you have $50 million in your bank account you can tell me I suck. Until then, sit down and shut the fuck up, junior. Hell, I didn't even know you existed until the news media picked up your comments about me. You sure you're in Congress you little bitch?"

Sen Mitch McConnell after Rep. John Yarmuth (D-Kentucky) made his comment about McConnell at a gathering of Kentucky Democrats.