Overheard in Florida:

Marco Rubio

"Sitting around with your finger up your ass and saying absolutely stupid things is a wonderful way to earn a living. I'm pretty good at it!"

Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Florida)

Overheard on Sen. Marco Rubio's Cellphone:

Marco Rubio

“Sonuvabitch! My latest proposal to cut out a key provision of Obamacare to save money would actually cost double what the provision itself will cost! CHRIST! Let me think … how can I STILL sell this shit?”

Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Florida)

Overheard in Florida:

Marco Rubio

“Look. We admit it. We Republicans just don’t understand poverty because NONE of us at in leadership positions know one goddam thing about it and certainly have never been there. Funny, though, so very many of the people who support us and believe us to be right actually live in poverty. I laugh every time I realize that.”

Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Florida)

Overheard in Florida:

Marco Rubio

“You poor people can buy a lot of ramen noodles with just a few dollars worth of food stamps, dammit, so quit your fucking whining.”

Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Florida)

Overheard Outside Sen. Marco Rubio's Office:

Marco Rubio

“The war on Poverty is 50 years old and it has FAILED! Failed, I tell you!”

Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Florida)

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Lyndon B. Johnson

“Actually, you Florida cocksucker, when the War on Poverty was adequately funded, a period of about seven years in the 1960s, the rate of poverty dropped  about 43 percent. Yeah. No shit. Look it up. The problem is it lost steam and then you modern-day fucktards began cutting funding. By the way—are you a faggot? You look a little light in the loafers to me.”

Lyndon B. Johnson (D-Texas), the thirty-sixth president of the United States

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Marco Rubio

“Oh shut up, Johnson. We’ve fought this war and poverty is still out there, ergo, we didn’t win. And no. I’m not gay. I have a wife and everything. Why? Do you think I’m hot?”

Sen. Rubio

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Lyndon B. Johnson

“Oh you are pathetic. That’s totally brilliant thinking, you half-wit shithead. We fought Germany and it’s still there. We went to war with Italy and Japan, and they are still there. Ditto for everyone else we ever went to war with. They are still there! That doesn’t mean we didn’t win. The thing is too many people out there are willing to listen to your bullshit and not enough liberals are willing to speak up and say the war on poverty has worked. Take me back to the motherfucking sixties when we called a cocksucker a cocksucker and smiled. And no, I don’t think you are hot. I just think you look like a faggot cocksucker from Florida.”

Lyndon B. Johnson

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Marco Rubio

 “Listen, I say the war on poverty is over and we lost, so shut up. I’m a Teabagger and I know stuff. Listen, poverty isn’t the only war you fought and lost, Johnson, so get over it.”

Sen. Rubio

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Lyndon B. Johnson

“Wow. That’s low, ignorant, self-serving and wrong, water boy. If I wasn’t a corpse, you cocksucker, I’d kick the living shit out of you and blame it on my younger sister. That's how we did it in the old days. Why do you think Dick Nixon looked like he looked? People used to beat the shit out of him regularly just on principal.”

Lyndon B. Johnson

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Marco Rubio

“Oh yeah, well, if I wasn’t trying to win back some of the ignorant conservative voters who used to support me, I wouldn’t have gotten into this debate with a foul-mouthed corpse. By the way, how tough is your younger sister and is she still alive?”

Sen. Rubio