Overheard on Fox:

Darrell Issa

“The Washington Post keeps calling me a liar …  for telling lies! And making shit up! For twisting facts! For tossing out innuendo! For being part of the Benghazi investigation from day one, signing off on reports, and then saying someone else wrote them! Who do they think they are? I’m not a liar. I just don’t have such a narrow definition of what the truth is as they do. Fuckers.”

Rep. Darrell Issa (R-California), chief GOP cheerleader in the everlasting House Armed Services Committee review of incidents in Benghazi in 2012

Overheard on Rep. Darrell Issa's Cellphone:

Darrell Issa

“You need to fight Barack Obama’s imperial presidency by doing exactly what I tell you to do and saying exactly what I tell you to say, and telling your constituents to do likewise.”

Rep. Darrell Issa (R-California), the wealthiest member of Congress, rallying fellow GOP House members to continue obstructing of any policy proposed by President Obama.

Overheard in Beverly Hills:

Darrell Issa

 

“I tell you what, Jethro. When you have $500 million in your bank account, you can be just as much of a miserable, foul, obstructionist, vindictive shit as I am. But until then, you can only be you.”

Rep. Darrell Issa (R-California)

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Jethro Bodine

    

“I don’t know any of them words, sir, so as my old Granny would say, go fuck yourself.”

Jethro Bodine, scion of the Clampett Family of Beverly Hills, Cal-eh-forn-eye-yeah

Overheard in Texas:

Kathleen Sebelius

“Darrell Issa is attempting to stifle and intimidate the Obamacare Navigators into quitting. His goal is to destroy their reputations as individuals as one more attempt to destroy the Affordable Care Act. He is a foul, nasty man who believes anyone who can’t afford their own health insurance should die penniless and broke.”

Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius

- - -

Darrell Issa

“I don’t hate poor people! I just don’t like to help them. I employ a lot of poor people and pay them barely enough to buy food and shelter, let alone health care. I pay them so little that the American taxpayers then have to subsidize them with food stamps, heating assistance, WIC, and all that other liberal giveaway stuff. How do you think I became a millionaire 220 times over? Stupid bitch. You are the one who fucked up the Obamacare rollout. Don’t try to push this on me.”

Rep. Darrell Issa (R-California), chair of the House Oversight Committee, a suspected car thief and arsonist who made his $220 million fortune by developing aftermarket car security devices that his company manufactured and sold

- - -

Kathleen Sebelius

“I didn’t try to push any thing on to you except that which you own, cocksucker. What the hell? Do you get up and take a ‘mean as shit’ pill every morning? You are down in Texas stirring the pot, a state where you have to earn less than $5,000 a year to even qualify for Medical Assistance … Do you have any idea how little that is and how many people out there work full time jobs and yet still can’t afford to see a doctor?”

Secretary Sebelius

- - -

Darrell Issa

“Don’t know; don’t care. You have obviously mistaken me for a public servant. Now go home and sweep the floor, bitch. I’m just down here in Texas helping my buddies Rep. Blakc Farenthold (R-Texas) Rep. Pete Sessions (R-Texas) Rep. Randy Neugebauer (R-Texas) and Rep. Michael Burgess (R-Texas) as they work to keep Texas a state full of honest, hard-working people.”

Rep. Issa

- - -

Kathleen Sebelius

 

“Well, there is a brain trust. America feels better already.”

Secretary Sebelius