Overheard in Texas:

George W.

“I’m with the rest of you: I wish former Vice President Dick Cheney would just shut the fuck up about everything. He is actually a zombie, you know. Yeah, he passed away in 2006. What you see now is just robotics. He really IS Darth Vader. And for the record, he did not have his hand up my ass when I spoke. Ever. Not once. The creepy little scrunge monkey tried a couple of times, though, but you gotta draw the line somewhere.”

Former President George Bush

Overheard in George W. Bush's Treehouse:

George W. Bush

“Wait… so we’re not trying to convert the Jews to Christianity? Why the hell not? They killed Jesus! I was only trying to help, you know. And earn a couple hundred grand. Goddam Jeb. He said it was OK to go and he is supposed to be the smart one!”

Former president George W. Bush, who is taking heat this week for his decision to speak at a recent fundraiser for the apocalyptic Christian sect “Jews for Jesus.”

Overheard on MSNBC:

Rachel Maddow

"Has anyone else noticed the SAME fools who led us into a phony war in Iraq are now urging and cajoling the United States into taking action against Syria, or, is it just me? I'm going to lend President Obama $1 so he can buy a clue on this one... When all of the people who oppose you suddenly support something, RUN AWAY."

Rachel Maddow, MSNBC host

Donald Rumsfeld

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"President Obama is an idiot, but his ideas on Syria are sound. ATTACK!"

Donald Rumsfeld

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Condoleeza Rice

"President Obama is an idiot. But his idea on Syria is the right thing to do."

Former Condoleeza Rice, former Secretary of State

Karl Rove

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"Blow those damn Syrians out of the desert! We can open a resort there!"

Karl Rove, GOP strategist, former chief aid to President George W. Bush, and escaped demon from hell.

 

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Joe Lieberman

"Blow them up! Kill. Maim. Oh, it makes me tired just thinking about it."

Former Sen. Joe Lieberman (I), former senator from Connecticut

 

George Bush

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"You can never have too many wars in the Middle East. And it would be really great to have at least one NOT started by a Bush."

Former President George W. Bush

 

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Dick Cheney

"Strike! Kill! Explosion! Mayhem! Dead Children! Deformed puppies! Bombs! Chemical Weapons! Chaos! Pestilence! These are a few of my favorite things! I told President Bush to bomb Syria in 2007. Obama may be a day late now, but what the hell? Who is going to complain about a few more dead Middle Eastern people?"

Dick Cheney

Overheard in Washington, D.C.

Colin Powell

 “I never trusted that Dick Cheney. I told President Bush he was taking the United States into war with Iraq without having a good reason to do so, and I was proven right. Cheney was a lying nut bag using the office of the vice president to further his own personal agenda. HE should be tried for treason and jaywalking. That’s right: jaywalking. I’ve personally witnessed him do it thousands of times. He is an awful man.”

Former Secretary of State Colin Powell

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Dick Cheney

“Colin Powell couldn’t lead an army of tanks out of a wet paper bag. Fucking pussy. Bitch.”

Former vice president Dick Cheney

George W. Bush

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 "Jesus Christ, Colin! Don't drag me into this! You know Cheney scares the living shit out of me!"

Former President George W. Bush

Liz Cheney

  - - -

“Do you want me to stab him with one of my crayons Daddy? I just pulled the orange one out of Mary Smith's eye. It came out in one piece and still works great!”

Liz Cheney

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Dick Cheney

“NO LIZ! NO! Daddy has far better ways to deal with this sonuvabitch… Let me put on my thinking cap...”

Dick Cheney