Overheard on the 'My Jerry Is Innocent' Tour 2014

Dottie Sandusky

“And all these young kids, all they think about is sex, and every single one of them, if anything DID happen between them and MY LOVING JERRY, those kids SEDUCED MY JERRY into raping them and then THEY forced MY JERRY to FORCE THEM to SUCK HIS PENIS. How sick is THAT? But that’s what KIDS do, you know. It’s all THEIR fault.”

Dottie Sandusky, wife of convicted child rapist and former Penn State assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky, who continues to protest her husband’s 2012 conviction on 45 of 48 charges.

Overheard Outside the Senate Bath House:

John McCain

“Benghazi.”

Sen. John 'Blood and Guts' McCain (R-Arizona), indicating that though the House might be ending its 18-month old investigation of the event, the Senate will now take over and continuing to attempt to make it an issue for President Obama.

Overheard on the 'My Jerry is Innocent' Tour 2014:

Dottie Sandusky

“Why didn’t Jerry testify in his own defense? Well the lawyers told him the trial was going so well he didn’t need to do so! That’s why. He could have taken the stand and told everyone all about those seductive little boys and their vile desires, but NO, he listened to his attorneys and now he is rotting in jail and I HAVE NO INCOME BECAUSE YOU BASTARDS TOOK HIS PENSION AWAY!”

Dottie Sandusky, wife of convicted child rapist and former Penn State assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky, who continues to protest her husband’s 2012 conviction on 45 of 48 charges.

Overheard in Hell:

Joe Paterno

“Dottie … Would you just shut the fuck up? Enough already! Your Jerry is guilty as shit and you are an enabling bitch!”

Joe Paterno, former Penn state football coach

Overheard Somewhere:

Poppin Fresh

“If my life had turned out a little bit differently, I could have been the spokesperson for Charmin bathroom tissue. Wouldn’t that have been a great gig! My name could have been ‘Spot,’ ‘Brownie,’ or ‘Shitstain,’ and the rest would be history. Instead, I’m a one-man icing dispenser!”

Poppin’ Fresh, well-known doughboy

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Bill Clinton

“Hey, Poppin’ Fresh! ALL men are just icing dispensers. You have no idea. You just have no idea what it’s like. And am I seeing things or do your arms and hands look like penises--one flaccid and one erect? Poppin' Fresh? How about 'Poppin Flesh?' DAMN! I never noticed that before!”

Former President Bill Clinton