Overheard on Fox:

Mitt Romney

“Everything I said during the 2012 campaign that offended people, like that ’47 percent’ comment, was taken out of context, because I would never say something that stupid, even though I did say it and the recording was played exactly as I said it. Seriously. I wouldn’t say what I said. I know what's right to say and what I will say anyway, even if it isn't right. What can I say? I can’t connect with people, and don’t understand how to relate to average Americans, but it is because I’m so fucking rich that I never have to share space with others. And that's the whole truth.”

Mitt Romney, 2012 Republican candidate for president, who can't seem to stop talking about all of the reasons he was trounced so thoroughly.

Overheard in Washington, D.C.:

Willard "Mitt" Romney

"You wouldn't be having any IRS scandals if you had elected me president, that's for damn sure, because the first thing I would have done is just fold the whole operation so I could keep all of MY money."

Willard "Mitt" Romney, former GOP candidate for president, former governor of Massachusetts, who believes 47 percent of Americans are leeches upon society. Romney's personal fortune is somewhere between $80 and $250 million.

Overheard in Boston:

Mitt Romney

"Remember Romneycare? That amazing beloved creation in Massachusetts used as the model for Obamacare, which most people seem to hate. Those Boston bombing victims? They will receive little or no bills for the medical care they received in that horrible incident. That's what Romneycare does, and that's pretty much what Obamacare will do if you don't fuck it up first. Oh wait... did I just admit that?"

Willard "Mitt" Romney, former GOP candidate for president, former governor of Massachusetts, who believes 47 percent of Americans are leeches upon society. Romney's personal fortune is somewhere between $80 and $250 million.

Overheard just off Sesame Street:

Big Bird

"I've seen a lot of people come and go since I debuted in 1969 and I'm still here. He may be pretty much gone, but I just can't help it: Just hearing Mitt Romney's name still pisses me off big time. I just want to drop giant blobs of bird poo right on his head."

Big Bird

Kermit the Frog

- - -

"Sometimes you just have to let things go, Big Bird, because it is the right thing to do."

Kermit the Frog

- - -

 

 

"Let things go? That's the best you can come up with, rainbow boy? Why don't you just shut the hell up, you little green pig fucker."

Big Bird

Overheard on Fox News:

Mitt Romney

"Poor people, minorities, the unemployed, the displaced, people without health insurance—really everyone except the rich white people who supported me—love them Democrat handouts. That's why I lost the election. It had nothing to do that I hold nearly the entire population of America in contempt because I'm so fucking rich or that I cannot personally rate to anyone below a certain social status. God knows I love money. No, I mean God really does know I love money. Sometimes, God himself asks me for loans and of course I give them—at 5 percent interest."

Mitt Romney, 2012 Republican nominee for president whose personal fortune is somewhere between $80 and $250 million