Overheard on MSNBC:

Rachel Maddow

“Republicans who oppose a woman’s right not to get knocked-up every time she looks at an ... ewwww ...  penis ... ewwww ... will lose this battle because if they ever want to see the inside of their partner’s vagina again, they will have no choice BUT to reverse course. I encourage all heterosexual women in the United States to keep their thighs wired shut until this bullshit ends. PAC money is not the most powerful force in politics; vaginas are.”

Rachel Maddow, host of MSNBC's 'Rachel Maddow Show'

Overheard on MSNBC:

Rachel Maddow

“Women in journalism sleeping with sources to get stories? Of COURSE, it happens. Megyn Kelly does it all the time. Male journalists of course would never sleep with a source for a story; they just suck dick instead. Ask Sean Hannity.”

Rachel Maddow, host of MSNBC’s ‘The Rachel Maddow Show’

Overhard on MSNBC:

Rachel Maddow

“Why is it that Republicans want LESS government control over the lives of citizens EXCEPT WHEN:

•   you want an abortion … particularly in Texas?
• you are homosexual and want to get married?
•  you want to join a union in Tennessee—even if the company in question WANTS you to join the union?
•  you live in a southern state and don’t want to learn about creationism, a concept for which there is no scientific justification?

“Just asking.”

Rachel Maddow, MSNBC host

Overheard in New York:

“OK … so it wasn’t Anderson COOPER who got me fired from MSNBC … it was that prima dyka bitch Rachel Maddow! I had the right gender, but wrong damn NETWORK! Listen, I have been found guilty of homophobia by the Gay Supreme Court (that’s Anderson, Maddow and Time Magazine’s Andrew Sullivan) and my life will never be the same! My gay friends don’t love me any more! The public thinks I’m a cocksucker! Well, not literally, because they know I’d never do that … but I’m the victim here, dammit. Why, Maddow, Why?”

Alec Baldwin, actor/professional bastard, writing in ‘The New Yorker’ about how the world perceives him and his alleged homophobic behaviors

- - -

Rachel Maddow

“I’ve never met you. I’ve never spoken to you. To the best of my knowledge, I’ve never attempted to have you fired from anywhere, including your job as fry cook at McDonald’s. What is it with people this week who seem to believe that I, as a card-carrying lesbian, have all sorts of super powers? Christ! I don’t even own a cape.”

Rachel Maddow, MSNBC host

- - -

Lindsey Grahem

“Rachel, you low-rent hussy! Everyone needs a cape! Listen, I can loan you one! I have a great one in leopard skin. It will look great with your skin tones.”

Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-South Carolina)

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Alec Baldwin

“Listen Maddow, my behind-the-scene sources at MSNBC tell me you are the person who got me fired from my talk show. I did not call that paparazzi a ‘cocksucking faggot’! I don't utter redundancies, dammit. I called him a ‘cocksucking motherfucker!’ There is a big difference!”

Alec Baldwin

- - -

Rachel Maddow

“Whatever, Mr. Baldwin. I did nothing. I suspect your temper and your flair for never knowing when to shut up is what got you fired. I’m just a host trying to do the best show I can for my viewers and being a good, solid representative of the gay community. I wish you nothing but the best. Run along now. The grownups need to talk.”

Rachel Maddow

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Alec Baldwin

“The grownups? THE GROWNUPS? What are the GROWNUPS going to do now, Rachel? MUNCH CARPET? Why can’t I WATCH? DYKE!”

Alec Baldwin

Overheard on 'Real Time':

Rachel Maddow

“So you think that I created the bridge story out of whole cloth in order to elect a Democrat in 2016? HA HA HA! WOW! Who knew we lesbians had that kind of power? Hell, you should see what happens when we take our clothes off!”

MSNBC host Rachel Maddow responding to National Review Online writer Charles Cooke on HBO's 'Real Time with Bill Maher.' Maddow was responding to panel analysis of her coverage of New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie (R) and Bridgegate, which some have criticized as being too aggressive.