Overheard in Texas:

Rick Santorum

“My studio has a new Christian movie out. It’s about an old western gunfighter who finds Jesus … at a bar in Amarillo! And together they go back and find that traitor Judas Iscariot. So the gunslinger takes Judas and bends him over a Rick, I mean, a rock, and then handcuffs him to Jesus’s cross. Poor Judas is just stretched out there and in pain, all pleading and begging to be freed from his misery. Then the gunfighter throws off Judas’s robes and proceeds to just pound his ass … er, uhm… 

"It’s a heartwarming family tale about the Old West. Bring the kids.”

Rick Santorum, America's favorite Roman Catholic, homophobe, racist and producer of lousy movies for the Christian fundamentalist/separatist audience. Santorum is a highly probable 2016 Republican candidate for president.

Overheard Outside the Ultimate Release Party Bathhouse in New York City:

Rick Santorum

“Jesus Fucking Christ. The first openly gay Boy Scout just earned the rank of Eagle Scout. Some 17-year-old fudge-packer-in-training from Maryland! JESUS! I think we need to come up with a new rank for gay scouts. Not ‘Eagle.’ That’s just wrong. How about ‘Chickadee’?”

Rick Santorum, America's favorite Roman Catholic, homophobe, racist and producer of lousy movies for the Christian fundamentalist/separatist audience. Santorum is a highly probable 2016 Republican candidate for president.

Overheard in the Senate Bath House:

Rick Santorum

 

“The idea of gay marriage just makes my penis shrivel up.”

Rick Santorum, America's favorite Roman Catholic, homophobe, racist and producer of lousy movies for the Christian fundamentalist/separatist audience. Santorum is a highly probable 2016 Republican candidate for president.

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Lindsey Graham

“You keep telling them that, Ricky. Don’t worry about me. I know how to keep my mouth shut. I daresay I know how to keep it OPEN, too! As far as I'm concerned, mmmmh mmmmh mmmmh, I mean, MUM's the word. I'll never tell.”

Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-South Carolina)

Overheard on 'This Week':

Rick Santorum

 "This president does not cooperate! When will he ever get it? All he has to do is do things our way and we might actually let him play with the white people!"

Rick Santorum, America's favorite Roman Catholic, homophobe, racist and producer of lousy movies for the Christian fundamentalist/separatist audience. Santorum is a highly probable 2016 Republican candidate for president.

Overheard on 'This Week':

Rick Santorum

"President Obama has been vindictive for the past five years! You know those blacks—they ALL have anger management problems."

Rick Santorum, America's favorite Roman Catholic, homophobe, racist and producer of lousy movies for the Christian fundamentalist/separatist audience. Santorum is a highly probable 2016 Republican candidate for president.