Overheard on Fox (so it must be true!):

Peter King

“Fuck Ted Cruz. Fuck John Boehner. Fuck everybody who doesn’t want to tell the truth. The GOP is responsible for shutting down the federal government and anyone who suggests otherwise is a fucking liar.”

Rep. Peter King (R-New York)

Chris Wallace

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“What are you saying?“

Chris Wallace, Fox News host

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Peter King

“Christ you're stupid. I’m letting the cat out of the goddam bag, Chris. Ted  Cruz told us that if we House Republicans voted to defund Obamacare, he could get the senate to defund Obamacare as well, AND keep the federal government open for business. He promised. And we see how in the fuck that turned out, haven’t we?”

Rep. King

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Chris Wallace

“He said that? Why that means everything else he’s said up until this point has been a lie!”

Chris Wallace

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Peter King

“Damn straight, Chris. The man is a giant slimy liar with delusions of a grand door. Shutting down the government is no strategy to accomplish anything… except shutting down the government.”

Rep. King

Overheard in Congress:

Harry Reid

  “John Boehner is no longer the Speaker of the House. Ted Cruz is, despite being a member of the Senate. Teddy is going around and telling House members to behave and they are doing it while Johnny Boner just sits there with his dick in his hands.”

Senate Majority Leader Sen. Harry Reid (D-Nevada)

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John Boehner

 

“Well that’s pretty harsh. I don’t have my dick in my hands at all. I wish I did.  I’m just totally ineffectual and have been for the past… oh…. Ever since I took office.”

Speaker Boehner (R-Ohio)

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Ted Cruz

“Don’t let Harry 'the Mormon Wonder' bully you, Johnny. Give him hell. I can't because he will hit me. But he won't hit you!”

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas)

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John Boehner

“No, Teddy, I think you should give him hell. You are pretty much the quarterback on this mess, so go to it.”

Speaker Boehner

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Ted Cruz

“The hell you say! Reid and Sen. John McCain scare the holy fuck shit out of me. Especially McCain. The man is an unpredictable maniac.”

Sen. Cruz

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Peter King

“Cruz, you slimy little weasel-like vermin, I want you the fuck out of the House. You don’t belong here trying to get our members to support you. Go the fuck back to the Senate and work on getting more than five people to support you! Shithead. Get. Out.”

Rep. Peter King (R-New York)

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Michele Bachmann

“I think I nodded off. What did I miss? I hope it wasn’t the rapture.”

Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minnesota)

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Eric Cantor

“No, it wasn’t that. Sen. Reid was just chastising Speaker Boehner for allegedly not being in charge of his own party and instead being a yes man for everything Ted Cruz suggests.”

Majority Whip Rep. Eric Cantor (R-Virginia)

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Michele Bachmann

“Why, that’s OUTRAGEOUS! I always knew Harry Reid was a mean-spirited heathen rat bastard. All those Mormons are.”

Rep. Bachmann

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Ted Cruz

“Rep. Klonopin, you are saying bad things about Sen. Reid but you are looking ME dead in the eyes. It's really creeping me out, bitch. I think you should be looking at HIM, don’t you.”

Sen. Cruz

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Michele Bachmann

“I thought you were Harry Reid. If you’re not him, then who the heck are you? You’re not my husband are you because I really hate your hair. Are you Ricky Ricardo? You look Cuban to me. Let me hear you sing, 'Bab-A-LOO'! If you are Ricky, I think it is time you start making new episodes of ‘I Love Lucy,’ but this time do them in color. I don’t like things that are in shades of gray.”

Rep. Bachmann

Overheard in Congress:

Peter King

"We are going to give Oklahoma all the aid it needs following those tornadoes. Those folks are hurting and need the help of the federal government. I have a good memory, though, and I am caustically vindictive. I will thoroughly fuck with everyone who held up the aid to New York and New Jersey at an appropriate time, probably when no one expects it."

Rep. Peter King (R-New York), who has rarely been on the side of the underdog. He is not anyone's idea of a nice person, but King has taken his fellow GOP'ers to task, first for not supporting disaster relief for his state following Superstorm Sandy, and then for their coming to New York for political fundraisers after voting against the aid. Much of the Oklahoma House delegation and both Oklahoma senators voted against the aid for New York and New Jersey.