 |
| Harry Reid |
“John Boehner is no longer the Speaker
of the House. Ted Cruz is, despite being a member of the Senate. Teddy is going
around and telling House members to behave and they are doing it while Johnny
Boner just sits there with his dick in his hands.”
Senate Majority Leader Sen. Harry
Reid (D-Nevada)
- - -
 |
| John Boehner |
“Well
that’s pretty harsh. I don’t have my dick in my hands at all. I wish I did. I’m just totally
ineffectual and have been for the past… oh…. Ever since I took office.”
Speaker
Boehner
(R-Ohio)
- - -
 |
| Ted Cruz |
“Don’t let Harry 'the Mormon Wonder' bully you,
Johnny. Give him hell. I can't because he will hit me. But he won't hit you!”
Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas)
- - -
|
| John Boehner |
“No,
Teddy, I think you should give him hell. You are pretty much the quarterback on
this mess, so go to it.”
Speaker
Boehner
- - -
|
| Ted Cruz |
“The hell you say! Reid and Sen. John McCain
scare the holy fuck shit out of me. Especially McCain. The man is an
unpredictable maniac.”
Sen. Cruz
- - -
 |
| Peter King |
“Cruz,
you slimy little weasel-like vermin, I want you the fuck out of the House. You
don’t belong here trying to get our members to support you. Go the fuck back to
the Senate and work on getting more than five people to support you! Shithead.
Get. Out.”
Rep.
Peter King
(R-New York)
- - -
 |
| Michele Bachmann |
“I think I nodded off. What did I miss? I hope it wasn’t the
rapture.”
Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minnesota)
- - -
 |
| Eric Cantor |
“No,
it wasn’t that. Sen. Reid was just chastising Speaker Boehner for allegedly not
being in charge of his own party and instead being a yes man for everything Ted
Cruz suggests.”
Majority Whip Rep. Eric
Cantor (R-Virginia)
- - -
|
| Michele Bachmann |
“Why, that’s OUTRAGEOUS! I always knew
Harry Reid was a mean-spirited heathen rat bastard. All those Mormons are.”
Rep. Bachmann
- - -
|
| Ted Cruz |
“Rep.
Klonopin, you are saying bad things about Sen. Reid but you are looking ME dead
in the eyes. It's really creeping me out, bitch. I think you should be looking at HIM, don’t you.”
Sen.
Cruz
- - -
|
| Michele Bachmann |
“I thought you were Harry Reid. If you’re not
him, then who the heck are you? You’re not my husband are you because I really
hate your hair. Are you Ricky Ricardo? You look Cuban to me. Let me hear you sing, 'Bab-A-LOO'! If you are Ricky, I think it is time you start
making new episodes of ‘I Love Lucy,’ but this time do them in color. I don’t
like things that are in shades of gray.”
Rep. Bachmann
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