Overheard on Walter Cronkite's Cellphone:

Brian Kilmeade

“You can buy marijuana in Colorado using food stamps! It’s true! I read it in the bible!”

Brian Kilmeade, Fox host

- - -

Walter Cronkite

“No, Mr. Kilmeade, you giant twatberry, you cannot. I’m dead and even I know that. What an easy thing to fact check and an asinine thing to say! Mr. Kilmeade, might I suggest that if you are going to continue your career in television, that you have your stupid mouth sewn shut and confine yourself to duties more in keeping with your abilities. Oh wait. You have no abilities suitable for journalism, you pathetic little talking head. Why not try a new career? From what Fox News keeps telling the unemployed in America, great corporations like WalMart are always on the lookout for outstanding talent. Shithead.”

Walter Cronkite, legendary television journalist

Overheard on Walter Cronkite's Cellphone:

Walter Cronkite

“So now my beloved network has been presented with the award for the biggest error in news reporting for the year 2013. It received the award for its October story that called into question the official version of what happened when the U.S. diplomatic compound was attacked in Benghazi, Libya in September 2012, using as its main source a security contractor who lied about what he did and saw, and where he was, on that fateful day. The complexities of the situation were compounded by the fact that the source was poised to release a book published by a sister company of CBS News, something not acknowledged in the story despite its obvious relevance and standard journalistic practice. Other media pounced. The network’s decision to have the circumstances reviewed internally to ensure the matter received an appropriate level of scrutiny. To my beloved network I say, congratulations on this award and I hope you cherish it always. Might I add that we are all anxiously awaiting the results of your internal review, a review which  certainly should be receiving a lot more attention from CBS than it apparently is now. Get with it, fucktards.”

Walter Cronkite

Overheard on Walter Cronkite's Cellphone:

Walter Cronkite

“Today, my network used the song ‘Africa’ by the ’80s pop band Toto as the background music for scenes from the memorial service for South African President Nelson Mandela, a true world leader honored and respected for his ability to believe in and fight for a cause, and then forgive those who kept him a political prisoner for 27 years, his main crime being the color of his skin and the strength of his convictions. My network did not use the South African national anthem. We did not use a gospel song by perhaps a lively yet somber South African choir. We did not use even a jazz-flavored funeral dirge from New Orleans. We used ‘Africa’ by goddam Toto, a song the writer once described as ‘something a young white boy of mediocre musical talent and slight imagination might write about Africa if he had never been there and didn’t know a fucking thing about it.’ And Jesus wept. Twice. And so did I.”

Walter Cronkite, legendary television journalist

Overheard on Walter Cronkite's Cellphone:

Walter Cronkite

“CBS News has not yet released any information on the status of its own investigation into its disastrous Benghazi report that relied solely on falsehoods and erroneous information provided by an author affiliated with the corporation’s own print publishing division. Some might call that a “conflict of interest,” though some with lesser educations and brain power might term it “good business.” Still others might suggest the collective company has its head up its collective ass.”

Walter Cronkite, legendary television journalist, continuing his commentary on CBS's recent totally botched Benghazi story, which was the fuel helping many conservatives continue to burn on that issue.

Overheard in Heaven:

Walter Cronkite

“Fifty years ago today, also on Friday, November 22, in Dallas, Texas, President John F. Kennedy Jr. was gunned down by an assassin. We still do not know with certainty that his death happened the way it eventually was explained, leaving this nation with a gaping wound that has never healed. On Friday, November 22, 1963, America’s innocence died, and like JFK, it has never recovered.

"Top that, O'Reilly, you poseur."

Walter Cronkite, who was the first news reporter in the United States to report the death of JFK, though he had no official confirmation, only the word of on-scene reporter Dan Rather.

Overheard on Walter Cronkite's Cellphone:

Walter Cronkite

“CBS plans to keep the investigation of its fatally flawed story on the U.S. embassy attack in Benghazi, a story based on the interview of one person who wasn’t even there, completely in-house. Exactly how is an organization that inept possibly going to be able to investigate itself? CBS officials, the same group of veritable twats who signed off on the story before it was broadcast, have declined comment.”

Walter Cronkite, legendary television journalist, continuing his commentary on CBS's recent totally botched Benghazi story, which was the fuel helping many conservatives continue to burn on that issue.

Overheard on Walter Cronkite's Cellphone:

Walter Cronkite

“Once upon a time, especially on CBS, getting the story right on the first try actually mattered. Now, it seems, other things matter more and apologizing for fucking up happens only when there is absolutely nothing else to be done.”

Walter Cronkite, legendary television journalist, commenting on CBS's recent totally botched Benghazi story, which was the fuel helping many conservatives continue to burn on that issue.