Overheard at Karl Rove's Office:

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Overheard at Fox:

Karl Rove

"OK. So maybe my political action committee lied on its 2012 tax return just to justify our tax exempt status! Big deal! Everybody does that.”

Karl Rove, GOP strategist, Political Action Committee head, former chief aid to President George W. Bush, and escaped demon from hell

Overheard on Fox (really):

Ted Cruz

“All of this malarkey about Syria and its dead babies and children is keeping us from chatting about the really important stuff… like Benghazi. Now that is where we really need to continue to focus our attention.”

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas)

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Juan Williams

 

“If you believe there is even one more intelligent thing that can possibly be said about Benghazi or the events that led up to it, you are retarded. SERIOUSLY retarded. That issue is over, done and finished. KAPUT! Get down off that hobby horse NOW! Time to move the fuck on, Jethro!”

Juan Williams, Fox News political analyst

Ted Cruz

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“What the fuck are you saying, Juan? You’re supposed to be on our side. This is Fox, right?”

Sen. Cruz

Juan Williams

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Sometimes, you have to be realistic, Sen. Cruz. Sometimes, a dog turn is just a dog turd and not a sign of the apocalypse.“

Juan Williams

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Karl Rove

“NO, NO, NO! You ARE WRONG. Benghazi is REAL. Look into my eyes, Juan. Look deeply into my eyes and see the light and the truth and the way.”

Karl Rove

Howard Kurtz

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“No, Karl. Some Republicans would like for Benghazi to be a scandal, but it isn’t. It is sad; but a scandal it is not. Some of you GOP’ers are trying to use to derail Hillary Clinton, but you are just not going to use us to make this happen.”

Howard Kurtz, Fox News media critic.

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Brit Hume

“What in the holy name of fuck has gotten into the two of you? Did someone slip you roofies? Have you been hypnotized? Did something crawl up your asses and eat your brains?”

Brit Hume, conservative political commentator and television journalist

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Juan Williams

“Sorry Karl. Sorry Brit. There is no evidence indicating the administration did anything improper and we will not be a party to you trying to harm Susan Rice, Hillary Clinton, or whoever—“

Juan Williams

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Karl Rove

“What are you saying Juan? What happened to you? Has a Liberal Witch cast a spell on you? The administration lied about Benghazi! AND YES I AM YELLING NOW, IN CAPITAL LETTERS, BECAUSE I WANT TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE CAN HEAR ME!”

Karl Rove

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Juan Williams

“You can yell all you want, Karl, but that won’t change the truth and it won’t bend reality. Sorry. You are done. Finished. This is not and was never a scandal except in your giant head.”

Juan Williams

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Karl Rove

“Why you little sonuvabitch!”

Karl Rove

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Howard Kurtz

“HEY! This is Fox, Fat Ass! No one is allowed to swear on here except Bill O’Reilly, so cut it out!”

Howard Kurtz

Overheard on MSNBC:

Rachel Maddow

"Has anyone else noticed the SAME fools who led us into a phony war in Iraq are now urging and cajoling the United States into taking action against Syria, or, is it just me? I'm going to lend President Obama $1 so he can buy a clue on this one... When all of the people who oppose you suddenly support something, RUN AWAY."

Rachel Maddow, MSNBC host

Donald Rumsfeld

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"President Obama is an idiot, but his ideas on Syria are sound. ATTACK!"

Donald Rumsfeld

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Condoleeza Rice

"President Obama is an idiot. But his idea on Syria is the right thing to do."

Former Condoleeza Rice, former Secretary of State

Karl Rove

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"Blow those damn Syrians out of the desert! We can open a resort there!"

Karl Rove, GOP strategist, former chief aid to President George W. Bush, and escaped demon from hell.

 

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Joe Lieberman

"Blow them up! Kill. Maim. Oh, it makes me tired just thinking about it."

Former Sen. Joe Lieberman (I), former senator from Connecticut

 

George Bush

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"You can never have too many wars in the Middle East. And it would be really great to have at least one NOT started by a Bush."

Former President George W. Bush

 

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Dick Cheney

"Strike! Kill! Explosion! Mayhem! Dead Children! Deformed puppies! Bombs! Chemical Weapons! Chaos! Pestilence! These are a few of my favorite things! I told President Bush to bomb Syria in 2007. Obama may be a day late now, but what the hell? Who is going to complain about a few more dead Middle Eastern people?"

Dick Cheney