Overheard on CBS:

Dick Durbin

“Mitt Romney has been inhaling too much body spray. That is one of the most retarded theories I’ve heard in a long time. How far up your ass did you have to shove your head to reach that conclusion, Mitt? Look, five years ago, we were at war in Iraq and Afghanistan. Even our allies had a hard time respecting us for our horrible lapses in judgment. Gov. Romney needs to remember there is a reason he wasn’t made the president of the United States: it’s because he is stupid and frankly, nobody likes him. He should just keep his mouth shut because it’s fucking embarrassing to him and his family.”

Sen. Dick Durbin (D-Illinois)

Overheard on 'State of the Union':

Lindsey Graham

"Oh, Vladimir Putin is a savage! He is SUCH a bully! Such a MACHO TOP! I want to see us put a noose around his ... neck ... and just pull it tight! Cut off his air supply ... yes ... hog tie that Russian bitch! That's what I wanna see!"

Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-South Carolina), speaking on 'State of the Union'

 - - -

"Uhm, yes, well, I don't necessarily agree with Sen. Graham about that ... or many things ..."

Sen. Dick Durban (D-Illinois)

Overheard EVERYWHERE:

Dick Durbin

“It is hard to believe that a member of Congress looked at our president during the budget negotiations and said, ‘I can’t even stand to look at you.’ What a total disgrace.”

Majority Whip Sen. Dick Durbin (D-Illinois)

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Jay Carney

“We regret Sen. Durbin’s description of that meeting, largely because it didn’t happen. And we know it didn’t happen because we were there, at the meeting, that didn’t happen. FUCK! Let me start again.”

Jay Carney, White House spokesperson

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Harry Reid

 “It was Rep. Pete Sessions (R-New York). God I hate that insufferable prick. Another shithead from Texas.”

Sen. Majority Leader Sen. Harry Reid, speaking last week at a private meeting of the Democratic Caucus.

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Pete Sessions

“I can NEVER stand to look at the president. Everybody in Texas hates him. For me, that day was NO DIFFERENT from any other.”

Rep. Pete Sessions (R-Texas), chair of the House Rules Committee

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Jay Carney

 “(Affixing a steely gaze at the room full of reporters) That statement that was directed at the president was never made in any meeting. And we know the statement wasn’t made because we were right there. But wait… the meeting never happened in the first place, so how could such a statement have ever been uttered? FUCK, I screwed it up again.”

Jay Carney

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Dick Durbin

“I stand behind my comment.”

Sen. Durbin

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Harry Reid

 “- - -“

Sen. Reid

Overheard in the Senate:

Ted Cruz

“No, I do not have health care insurance through the Senate plan. My wife is employed by Goldman Sachs and we have an EVEN BETTER health plan that costs $40,000 annually and her employer pays the cost 100 percent. It doesn't cost me one thin dime, Dickie. Why do you think I don’t give a shit about the health plans the federal government offers? I don’t need to, so fuck you.”

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas)

Dick Durbin

- - -

“No wonder you don’t give a fuck about the lower classes in America. You have your health coverage, so everyone else can just go pound salt? Wow. You are a miserable bastard masquerading as the champion of the little guy.”

Sen. Dick Durbin (D-Illinois)

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Ted Cruz

“Yeah, ain’t it grand? I have no problem helping those less fortunate, Dick, as long as it doesn’t cost me any money. When you have no moral compass, it is easy to ignore a LOT of shit.”

Sen. Cruz