Overheard in North Korea:

Kim Jong-un

“My entire country just voted. Unlike America, everyone goes to poll. And they re-elected me. It was UNANIMOUS vote. See what happens when you slice your uncle to bits in public? Everyone votes for you!”

North Korea Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un

Overheard in North Korea:

Kim Jong-un

“North Korea’s actions are like Nazis in World War II Holocaust? No, no. We much worse. I promise.”

Kim Jong-un, supreme leader of North Korea

- - -

Him

“Yes, yes … you und Ted Nugent ... you are both really bad boys. I can see that. No, I promise you, you are not worse than de Holocaust. You show me one lampshade made from human skin und I might change my opinion. Until then, go build yourself another mansion, little one. And by de vay ... just for de record ... I probably would have put you in a camp just because I do not like your slanted eyes."

Adolf Hitler, who needs no further introduction

Overheard in North Korea:

Kim Jong-un

"Extermination. Rape. Murder. Torture. Enslavement. Prolonged starvation. Imprisonment. Forced abortions ... United Nations call these crimes against humanity. I call them another Saturday night. Fuck off!"

Kim Jong-un, supreme leader of North Korea

Overheard in North Korea:

Kim Jong-un

“You want truth? I executed Uncle Jang Song-thaek because he said Shaq was better than my friend Dennis Rodman. That not true. I taught him a lesson, didn’t I?”

Kim Jong-un, supreme leader of North Korea

Overheard in North Korea:

Kim Jong-un

"I am an insane, impulsive 26-year-old boy with my finger on the red button! Everyone is paying attention to me and I like it! I get to write things using multiple exclamation points!!! What would you have done if you had this much power when you were 26? When you were insane and still felt immortal? When you were impulsive and uncontrollable? Makes you kind of nervous, doesn't it? Grrrrrr!"

L'il Kim Jong-un, leader of North Korea

President Obama

- - -

"Kimmy? President Obama here. It's time to settle down now. You are just acing out, marking your territory, and letting us all know you are ready to sit at the grown-up table. We get that. But you are really upsetting a lot of people—you even made Dick Cheney say 'doo-doo'—and if you keep pushing things, we're going to have to give you a wedgie, so to speak. Do you want a United States-sized wedgie?"

President Barack Obama (D-Illinois), 44th president of the U.S.

 

- - -

Kim Jong-un

"NO! NO WEDGIE FOR NORTH KOREA! Grrrrrrr! We are nation of mighty warriors! We have missiles that can almost reach you! Be very afraid, white boy."

L'il Kim Jong-un

 

- - -

President Obama

"White boy? OK, if you say so. But I'm not kidding. Take a nap or something. Settle down. This isn't doing anyone any good. Listen to some happy music. Eat some chocolate. Something."

  President Barack Obama

 

Kim Jong-un

- - -

"We have no happy music in North Korea, white boy. We have warrior music! MEAN warrior music! Grrrrrrr! You be ready. North Korea is coming!"

L'il Kim Jong-un

President Obama

 

- - -

"OK, Kimmy. We'll talk again soon."

President Barack Obama