 |
| Steve King |
“So
here we are Ted, in our secret meeting place that NO ONE knows about. What did
you call us here for.”
Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa)
- - -
 |
| Ted Cruz |
“I just wanted to
assure you that I am on your side and in your corner. We are going to win this
thing.”
Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas)
- - -
 |
| Louie Gohmert |
“Is
it OK if I pick my nose here?”
Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas)
- - -
|
| Ted Cruz |
“Sure Louie. Does anyone have any
questions?”
Sen. Cruz
- - -
 |
| Kevin McCarthy |
“Yeah. I do. Why in the hell are you turning
the House of Representatives into a puppet show starring you? You are NOT in charge of the House of Representatives. You are not in charge of anything except how much grease you will put into your hair on a given day, Cruz.”
House Majority Whip Rep.
Kevin McCarthy (R-California)
- - -
|
| Ted Cruz |
“What do you mean a puppet show.”
Sen. Cruz
- - -
|
| Louie Gohmert |
“Well,
that would be a show that features puppets, Ted.”
Rep.
Gohmert
- - -
|
| Ted Cruz |
“We don’t have any puppets here, Rep.
McCarthy. We just have a bunch of people who care about this country.
Sen. Cruz
- - -
 |
| Jim Jordan |
“Yeah…
who in the fuck invited you, McCarthy?”
Rep. Jim Jordan (R-Ohio)
- - -
|
| Kevin McCarthy |
“Louie did.”
Rep. McCarthy
- - -
|
| Louie Gohmert |
“He said he would
give me Fruit Loops if I let him come. I cannot resist those things.”
Rep. Gohmert
- - -
 |
| Tom Cotton |
“Well, tell us, Ted. What’s our next move?”
Rep. Tom Cotton (R-Arkansas)
- - -
 |
| Raul Labrador |
“Yeah… what’s our next move. And if it involves me
insulting Andrea Mitchell again, I’m all for it. That bitch needs to be at
home, pregnant and barefoot.”
Rep. Raul R. Labrador (R-Idaho)
- - -
 |
| Steve Southerland II |
“And just who in
their right mind would impregnate her? I wouldn’t touch her with YOUR dick,
Rep. Gohmert.”
Rep. Steve Southerland
II (R-Florida)
- - -
|
| Ted Cruz |
“Enough about Andrea Mitchell, though I’d fuck her in a
heartbeat. Our next move is to shut down the government.”
Sen. Cruz
- - -
 |
| Mark Meadows |
“Uhm…. Sen. Cruz?
We already done did that.”
Rep. Mark Meadows (R-North Carolina)
- - -
 |
| Justin Amash |
“Yeah, don’t you
have something fun we can do for a change? Like play lawn darts or bingo?
Rep. Justin Amash (R-Michigan)
- - -
|
| Ted Cruz |
“You all just have to be
patient. Stand firm! Remain Strong! Stay the course! Remember: Second
Amendment Rights! Cheeseburgers! Apple Pie! Marshmallows! Tighty Whities! God Bless America, Land That I Love!”
Sen. Cruz
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