Overheard at the Vatican:

Pope Francis I

"Benny! Benny! How in the fuck are you doing?"
Pope Francis I

Pope Benedict

- - -

"Is that you Guido? I'm waiting
for my massage. You have the happiest endings of all the massage boys!"

Former Pope Benedict

- - -

Pope Francis I

"No, no. I'm not Guido. It's me. Pope Francis."
Pope Francis I

Pope Benedict

- - -

"Franny, you old sodomite, how
in the hell are you?"

Former Pope Benedict

- - -

Pope Francis I

"I'm fine. How about you?"
 Pope Francis I

Pope Benedict

- - -

"Well, you know, I'm retired now, so the only stress I have is deciding whether I will have a bowel movement before or after 'The Golden Girls.' I prefer men, but that Bea Arthur is hot. But you look troubled, Franny.
How can I help?"

Former Pope Benedict

Pope Francis I

- - -

"I do have one problem I want to talk to you about."
Pope Francis I

Pope Benedict

- - -

"OK, well, you know the drill,
'Bless me father for I have sinned....'

Tell me. How many penniless children did you rape last week? Don't leave out ANY details. I am alone a LOT."

Former Pope Benedict

Pope Francis I

- - - 

"No, not that kind of a problem. My problem is with Jesus."
Pope Francis I

- - -

Pope Benedict

"The gardener? I'll throttle him for you. He likes a good beating."

Former Pope Benedict

Pope Francis I

- - -

"No no, the real Jesus. He keeps showing up and giving me hell about stuff. 'Fix this,' 'fix that,' 'make the world a better place,' blah, blah, blah, always ordering me around. He's a goddam pain in the ass is what he is. Did he visit you a lot?"
Pope Francis I

Pope Benedict

- - - 

"No, I can't say that I can recall him ever visiting me. Are you sure it's him and not one of the cardinals pissing with you?

Former Pope Benedict

Pope Francis I

- - -

"No, it's him all right. He bleeds all over the carpet and furniture. Leaves a helluva mess."
Pope Francis I

Pope Benedict

- - -

"Franny, you must tell no one. I didn't even believe he existed and now you tell me he is visiting you. Well, fuck me. Twice. Please? I love that joke. I really do wonder why Jesus never came to see me. The POMPOUS prick. Who does he think he is? Why.... HOLY SHIT.
Do you know what this means? It means there really is a hell as well! WE. ARE. TOTALLY. SCREWED!"

Former Pope Benedict

Pope Francis I

- - -

"Benny, it is only holy shit if it comes out of one of OUR asses."
Pope Francis I

Pope Benedict

- - -

"Good one, Franny. You old sodomite."

Former Pope Benedict