 |
| Mitch McConnell |
“You are supposed to be my goddam
campaign manager and you are going around saying you are holding your nose
until 2015 in the hopes of being part of Rand Paul’s 2016 campaign for
president? You’re telling people most of the people in my campaign are hanging
around also hoping to get on Rand’s bandwagon? What in the name of Jesus F.
Christ do you think you are doing, Jesse?”
Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-Kentucky), the
Senate Minority Leader
 |
| Jesse Benton |
- - -
“My
comments were not supposed to be made public, Mitch.”
Jesse
Benton
- - -
|
| Mitch McConnell |
“Well, you just listen up, my
nose-holding friend: It is now officially your ass on the line. If I lose my
re-election bid, it will be YOUR fault and NOBODY in this town
will ever hire you again—not to so much as wipe their ass for them—let alone
manage their campaign. You little fucking weasel. I may well not win
re-election, but I guarantee you’ll not be working on a major political
campaign for years to come. That’s the price you pay for being a stupid fuck.”
Sen. McConnell
|
| Jesse Benton |
- - -
"Let
me just say in my defense that I really do not like your $2 aftershave and
that’s why I am holding my nose.”
Jesse
Benton
- - -
|
| Mitch McConnell |
“Two dollar aftershave? If you are not
careful, you are going to end up with my $2 shoe up your fucking ass. I should
be out there pissing on President Obama, or trying to ruin Hillary Clinton’s
day, but no-o-o-o-o-o… I have to be in here with you, trying to keep you on
track. You know, if you didn’t have that TEA Party connection going for you, I
never would have hired you. I have felt a bad vibe coming from you since Day
One. And now I understand it. You’re fucking stupid and I hate fucking stupid.”
Sen. McConnell
|
| Jesse Benton |
- - -
“I
can only apologize so many times, Sen. McConnell. So can I go now?”
Jesse
Benton
|
| Mitch McConnell |
- - -
“Yes, get the hell out of here before I
fire your ass and have to hire someone with an even SMALLER brain,
because that’s all that is left out there by now. The other campaigns have
hired all of the good campaign directors.”
Sen. McConnell
 |
| Babe the famous pig |
- - -
“Uhm…
excuse me sir? But I would be really thrilled to come to work as your campaign
director. I don’t believe you will find anyone better. Everyone loves me!”
Babe,
the famous pig
|
| Mitch McConnell |
- - -
“Jesus Christ. You’re that talking pig,
Babe.
Am I hallucinating now? That’s it: no more bourbon at breakfast for me!”
Sen. McConnell
- - -
|
| Babe the famous pig |
“No,
you’re not hallucinating, sir. I’m looking for a new career path. My movie
career has kind of dried up. I’ve even tried porn, but all of the other actors just
kept screaming, ‘I ain’t no pig fucker’ and running out of the room. And some
of them REALLY WERE pigs. Jesus Christ. The THINGS some humans
will fuck for money! Anyway, I think I’d be good at managing your campaign. Why, watch my
first movie! Just look at how I rounded up all of the sheep and got them to go
where I wanted them to go when I wanted them to go there! I know how to talk to
sheep! Isn’t that sort of what you do—get a lot of sheep to do your bidding?”
Babe
|
| Mitch McConnell |
- - -
“You know, Babe, you might be on to
something there. How much do you want to be paid?
Sen. McConnell
- - -
|
| Babe the famous pig |
“No
money. I don’t have a wallet to keep it in. Just feed me—and don’t let me get
made into bacon. There is a shortage now, you know. You don’t have a secret
love affair with bacon, do you?”
Babe
 |
| Mitch McConnell |
- - -
“Bacon? I never touch the stuff, Babe.
I prefer ham, but I suspect that is off the menu as well. Something tells me this could be the beginning of a long, lean friendship,
pig.”
Sen. McConnell
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