 |
| John McCain |
“Lindsey,
grab your ‘go bag!’ We are taking the red-eye to Kiev. I’ve got to get over there and find out for myself what the situation is because I don’t believe the
shit I’m hearing. Russian troops amassing on the border! Crimean residents
arming themselves with pitchforks! Vladimir Putin personally bitchslapping
anyone he wants! Dogs OD'ing on catnip … “
Sen.
John McCain (R-Arizona)
- - -
 |
| Lindsey Graham |
“Oh,
Johnny. If ever there was a situation that demanded a hero, this is it. Grab
your lasso, cowboy, because this here cowgirl is primed and READY to RIDE! Oh, the thrill of you and me flying off into the face of
danger once again, the real leaders of this great big free world of ours.”
Sen.
Lindsey Graham (R-South Carolina)
- - -
|
| John McCain |
“But
Lindsey, I’ve told you before, taking you anywhere near Russia is a dangerous
proposition. They don’t like 'ambiguously gay' men over there and they really
detest 'flaming cocksuckers,' so regardless of how you define yourself, you’ve
got to tone it down a notch—for your own sake, my friend.”
Sen.
McCain
- - -
|
| Lindsey Graham |
“YOU’RE ASHAMED OF ME, AREN’T
YOU! That’s
what’s going on here!”
Sen.
Graham
- - -
|
| John McCain |
“No,
Linds. I’ve never been ashamed of you or the chemistry we have when we are
saving the nation. I just don’t want to put you at risk. You are too valuable
to me as a friend.”
Sen.
McCain
- - -
|
| Lindsey Graham |
“'Friend',
huh? That’s what you call me? Do all of your ‘friends’ give you hand jobs using
warm butter-flavored substitute they have purloined from the popcorn stand
at the movie theater? Hmmm? Only a REALLY
good friend would do that.”
Sen.
Graham
- - -
|
| John McCain |
“I
don’t know what you are talking about there, but let’s just get in the car and
get moving.”
Sen.
McCain
- - -
|
| Lindsey Graham |
“Oh,
Johnny. This is just like the time we were out in Omaha! There we were dressed in our best taffeta party
gowns and headed out to the Omaha Mining Co. on Leavenworth Street! We walked
in that front door expecting to see a bunch of drag queens, but all we found
were 30 leather boys pounding away on that poor fellow dressed as the pope! They
looked up at us and I thought—HOPED,
I really HOPED—we’d be taking the
place of the pope, but my little POW jumped in front of me and screamed, ‘No
one lays a hand on the lady!’”
Sen.
Graham
- - -
|
| John McCain |
“Sen.
Graham, here you are off on yet another of your wild yarns. I am glad there is
no one here to listen to this nonsense.”
Sen.
McCain
- - -
|
| Lindsey Graham |
“Well,
there was no nonsense to be had when you pulled that Rambo-sized hunting knife out of your … where was it again? … and started threatening people! The memory
of you just waiving that knife around IN
MY HONOR just makes my panties wet all over again, Johnny!”
Sen.
Graham
- - -
 |
| John McCain |
“It was
in my corset, Linds. Where else would you keep a hunting knife! Shocked the
hell out of those pig farmers, didn’t I? I mean … er … uhm … Sen. Graham, why
do you keep telling these stories when I have no clue as to what you are
talking about? You can see how uncomfortable it makes me, can’t you.”
Sen.
McCain
- - -
|
| Lindsey Graham |
“That’s
just you feeling a little tingle in your Johnson, Johnny-cakes. A little twitch, you just
want me to itch?”
Sen.
Graham
- - -
|
| John McCain |
“That’s
it. Willies Alert! Discussion is over. Willies Alert!”
Sen.
McCain
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