Overheard off Sesame Street:

Kermit

"Wow, Big Bird. So these leaks about telephone and Internet surveillance by the U.S. government all came from a geeky looking defense contractor who washed out when he tried to join the army reserves. And not only that, he supported Ron Paul in the 2012 election campaign—the same Ron Paul who is the father of Rand Paul, who is planning to run for president in 2016. What is the world coming to when you can't count on defense contractors to keep their big mouths shut? This guy who didn't graduate from high school brought the largest democratic nation in the world to its knees!"

Kermit the Frog

Big Bird

- - -

"I don't know Kermit. I'm having trouble wrapping my bird brain around it."

Big Bird

Kermit

- - -

"Yeah, you and half of Congress, Big Bird."

Kermit  

- - -

Big Bird

"Hey, I know I'm not that smart, but don't lump me with thosestupid bastards."

Big Bird

- - -

Kermit

"I'm just being a wiseass, Big Bird, you are as bright as you need to be, and that's a good thing, and there isn't a nicer creature on this earth, or anyone better at rolling a good joint. Now I've got to do some thinking, though."

Kermit  

  

Big Bird

- - -

"Thinking about what, Kermit. And he was only kidding about rolling joints,
RIGHT KERMIT?"

Big Bird

- - -

Kermit

"Only kidding, right. But what I'm trying to think up a way to somehow blame Elmo for all of the national security leaks. I'm thinking if I took a couple of hundred of those "Tickle me, Elmo' dolls and changed them to 'Spill the Beans, Elmo' and put in special recordings leaking military secrets, and then put them on to store shelves, we can get the FBI involved and take that little bastard down."

Kermit  

Big Bird

- - -

"I don't know Kermit. That seems like an implausible plan. Why don't you just go get Miss Piggy to beat him up or something? The world knows he has it coming."

Big Bird

Kermit

- - -

"Or maybe I'll just sit her and plot and scheme… without ever doing anything. Sometimes, Big Bird, the scheming is just as much fun as the doing."

Kermit 

Overheard off Sesame Street:

Kermit the Frog

"Big Bird, can you believe what those rich moms were doing at Disneyworld? Paying disabled people to accompany them in the park so they could use them to get to the head of the lines and avoid waiting!"

Kermit the Frog



- - - 

Big Bird

"Why that is just horrible, Kermit! And at the happiest place on earth, too! That sucks shit through a wire brush."

Big Bird

Kermit the Frog

- - -

 

"It's goddam sinister all right. It's nice that the disabled were getting paid damn good money and all, but still, it seems pretty shady. Smart, but shady."
Kermit

Big Bird

- - -

"Where on earth do you think they came up with that idea, Kermit?"

Big Bird

- - -

Kermit the Frog

"I'll tell you where: 'Elmo's Black Market Guide To Screwing Everyone Else at Disneyworld--Without Ever Taking Off Your Pants,' That's where. That little red sonuvabitch is selling copies at his website. I'm telling you Big Bird, if there is something shady going on, or an illegal buck being made, rest assured, that little red prick is behind it."
Kermit

Big Bird

- - -

"Admit it, Kermit. You're just jealous that you didn't have the idea first."

Big Bird

- - -

Kermit the Frog

"Fuckin-A, Bird. He's getting $19.95 a book and having them printed in China where they cost 15 cents a piece to make! He's a mastermind!"
Kermit


 

Big Bird

- - -

 

"Uh.... Kermit? Don't we work for Disney?"

Big Bird