Overheard at the Vatican:

Pope Francis I

"I want the Catholic Church to act decisively to root out all pedophile priests and then put them through due process."

Pope Francis I

- - -

Jesus Christ

"And what is that due process, Pope Franny?"

Jesus Christ, son of God

Pope Francis I

- - -

"Moving them to not just a new parish, but a new country?"

Pope Francis I

 

Jesus Christ

 - - -

  "That is not going to cut it, Franny. Repeat after me, 'We will keep our hands off the children before God makes an example of us and makes our hands rot and fall off.' And say it in English. I don't know Italian, you prick. You need to define what you are going to do for all of the children who have been assaulted, used, and discarded by priests. How do you go about making it right with all of the people who looked to the church for love, for compassion, and to find me? How? I command you to TRY."

Jesus Christ

Pope Francis I

 - - -

 

"You are so bossy. Let's see... we could give the poor kids an extra wafer during communion so we can help address the hunger problem?"

Pope Francis I

Jesus Christ

- - -

"LOCUSTS AND FROGS!"

Jesus Christ