 |
| Vladmir Putin |
“You
have no proof that Syria has used these chemical weapons against its people.
Why would they do such a thing?”
Russian
President Vladimir Putin
- - -
 |
| Barack Obama |
“We
gave you the proof. The photos of people with their skin melting off! The
screams of hundreds of people screaming for mercy! Those aren’t proof?”
 |
| Vladmir Putin |
- - -
“This
is not proof. This could be staged Hollywood movie.”
Vladimir Putin
|
| Barack Obama |
- - -
“We
gave you photographs of the cans the chemicals came in—‘Acme Brand Chemical
Weapon’—which were opened and then tossed away on the side. We gave you photos
of Bashar al-Assad opening all of the cans with his personal can opener. If
that isn’t proof, I don’t know what is. Are you kidding me?”
Barack Obama
|
| Vladmir Putin |
- - -
“We
are Russians. We do not kid! We do not even smile! We eat cabbage and beet soup
every day. If you did that, you wouldn’t smile, either.”
Vladimir Putin
|
| Barack Obama |
- - -
“All
righty, well, tell me what WOULD be proof that the Syrians are using chemical
weapons? Tell me that and we will go looking for it. Would you like to see the photos we have of al-Assad fucking your soon-to-be ex-wife?”
Barack Obama
|
| Vladmir Putin |
- - -
“Why do you think I divorce the bitch? No, no fuck photos. You,
Mr. Obama, must go into Syria and come back out dragging the body of even one
victim of chemical weaponry and we will believe you.”
Vladimir Putin
 |
| John McCain |
- - -
"Now
Mr. President, I can’t let you do that. You will need to step aside. I will go
in your place. John ‘Blood and Guts’ McCain, reporting for duty, SIR! You drop
me behind enemy lines with three Emory boards, a pair of nail clippers and a
case of baby formula, and I will have one of the perpetrators out of there and
in the White House within 24 hours."
Sen. John McCain (R-Arizona)
- - -
|
| Barack Obama |
Barack Obama
|
| John McCain |
- - -
" I won't let you down, my friend. Who would have thought it would come to this? I certainly didn't see this when we were fighting side-by-side through the ghettos of Honolulu. If I don't make it back, name something after me or put my face on some money."
John McCain
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