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| Mitch McConnell |
"Have you ever been ashamed that you are part of a process that is so fucked up that it absolutely guarantees no process can be made by anyone on anything? No? Me neither!"
Sen. Mitch "The President is Intimidating the GOP" McConnell (R-Kentucky), whose personal fortune
is estimated at $50 million.
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| John Boehner |
"Me Neither"
Speaker of the House John "I Don't Even Care Enough to Try" Boehner, whose personal fortune is estimated at between $1.7 and $5.5 million.
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| Marco Rubio |
"Ashamed? I do everything I can to keep it this way!"
Sen. Marco "We Can't Pass an Immigration Bill" Rubio, the great non-white hope of the GOP and one-time King of Pork Barrel Projects in the state of Florida, whose net worth is estimated at somewhere between $-370,000 and $300,000. (The negative sign is not a typo.
 |
| Ted Cruz |
- - -
"Me too. This is fun."
Sen. Ted "Let's Abolish the IRS And Use a Flat Tax Because I'm Too Fucking Stupid to Have an Original Idea" Cruz (R-Texas), who has a net worth estimated at $3.5 million. He has served as a senator for about four months and is considering a presidential run in 2016. The senate post, his since January 2013, is his first public office.
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| Lindsey Graham |
- - -
"All I know is I look FAB-ulous in paisley."
Sen. Lindsey Graham
(R-South Carolina), America's favorite hermaphrodite lawmaker, who has a
net worth of somewhere between $600,000 and $1.3 million
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| Mister Ed |
- - -
"God bless us everyone."
Mister Ed, famous talking horse and Fox News pundit
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