 |
| Mitch McConnell |
“Listen
up, you little bitch. There is no way I will support your filibuster of the
House bill that would defund Obamacare. A filibuster isn’t going to help me in
my re-election campaign. It will only make it tougher. So you should just give
it up. You are tying your wagon to the extreme right and I’m telling you son,
that is the wrong horse. I’m all for sticking it to the Democrats whenever
possible, but that is NOT what a filibuster would do. You can talk until you get a hernia, or your dick falls off, whicher comes first and I will not help you.”
Senate
Majority Leader Mitch
McConnell (R-Kentucky)
- - -
 |
| Ted Cruz |
“My diabolical plan to rid the world of
Obamacare by blocking a Senate vote on it absolutely WILL work, Sen. McConnell.
You’re just too blind to see how my clever plan will play out. First, we
filibuster it. Then, President Obama will go into a rage and order tanks to
surround the Senate building. Then Hillary and Bill Clinton will come out of
their secret bunker underneath the capitol armed with grenades and artillery.
When that happens, the Tooth Fairy will swoop down on them and pull out all of
their teeth, rendering Bill unable to eat steak and Hillary unable to smile.
Next, Harry Reid will dress up in a bunny suit and attempt to convince us all
that he is the Eveready Bunny. But underneath his bunny belly, he will be
carrying several kilos of heroin which he will try to hide in my back pocket…
Then, Heath Ledger will show up dressed in Joker costume…”
Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas)
- - -
|
| Mitch McConnell |
“Jesus
Christ, Sen. Cruz. What in the fuck? What the hell did you inhale? Do you ever
stop to listen to yourself? Ever? You are going to win this year’s ‘Who is the Craziest Senator’ Award if you’re not careful.”
Sen.
McConnell
 |
| Ted Cruz |
“Oh, fuck you, McConnell. You’ve got no
balls or you’d help me in my quest.”
Sen. Cruz
- - -
|
| Mitch McConnell |
“If
I thought you had a plan that didn’t border on something the kids in special
class could come up with, I would, but right now you just seem bat shit fuck
crazy.”
Sen.
McConnell
- - -
 |
| John Cornyn |
“Yeah, Ted. You really are going about
this the wrong way. I can’t support this type of nonsense. We cannot hold the
government hostage over this. It’s wrong.”
Sen. John Cornyn (R-Texas), senior
senator from Texas
- - -
 |
| Lindsey Graham |
“I
can’t support you either, Teddy. I like you and I like your ideas. And I
certainly like the way you fill out a pair of black pants. But I cannot go
along with your plan. Sen. McConnell is right. It will send the wrong message.”
Sen.
Lindsey Graham (R-South Carolina)
- - -
|
| Ted Cruz |
“As the two of you are older men, I
suspect your bodies are producing less and less testosterone. They have gels for
that, you know.”
Sen. Cruz
- - -
“Let
me at him, Lindsey! I got the OK to tear him apart yesterday from Harry Reid
and he’s been running ever since. Grab him and hand him to me. I’ll take him
out of the desert and we won’t be troubled by him anymore.”
Sen.
John McCain (R-Arizona)
- - -
|
| Ted Cruz |
“Oh fuck you, Sen. McCain. I am a
little busy right now, otherwise I’d offer to step outside with you and settle
this, man to man.”
Sen. Cruz
- - -
 |
| John McCain |
“Real man to pussy boy, you mean.”
Sen.
McCain
- - -
 |
| Rick Santorum |
“Don’t you worry, Sen. Cruz. You’ve got
me in your corner on this one. And I have a LOT of clout. You are right. You
have to be mean to the citizens. You have to make them feel the pain and bleed,
otherwise they won’t push congressmen to act. What you are doing is how REAL men get things
done in Congress.”
Rick
Santorum,
long-time conservative bottom boy, closeted homosexual, and America’s favorite
Roman Catholic.
- - -
 |
| Babe |
“Uhm,
Mr. Santorum, sir? Sen. McConnell is asking you to just walk away from this
blog. He doesn’t want you here. He doesn’t want you anywhere near the Senate,
and definitely nowhere near Sen. Cruz, who is very impressionable. Don’t you
have children you should be caring for somewhere?”
Babe, famous talking pig
and campaign manager for McConnell
|
| Rick Santorum |
- - -
“Listen up, McRib. I don’t take orders
from a pig, unless I’ve slept with it. What do you say? Do you want to have
sex with me? I love me some barnyard sex.”
Sen. Santorum
- - -
|
| Babe |
“Sen.
Santorum? That’s pretty sick. I don’t believe I want to have this conversation.
I think you should just leave.”
Babe
|
| Rick Santorum |
- - -
“Babe, you are missing out on the best
1.5 minutes of sex you’ve ever had! Sure you won’t change your mind?”
Rick Santorum
- - -
|
| Babe |
“Totally
sure. Good night. Ewwwww. I have to go roll in mud so that I can feel cleaner.”
Babe
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