Overheard Outside the Oval Office:

John Boehner

“We need to cut spending, and the GOP-controlled House will not vote to raise this nation’s debt ceiling until we have an agreement for equal spending cuts.”

House Speaker John “Johnny Boner” Boehner (R-Ohio)

Barack Obama

- - -

  

“LA-LA-LA! LA-LA-LA! I’M NOT LISTENING TO JOHNNY BOEHNER! I’M NOT LISTENING TO JOHNNY BONER, BUT STILL HE IS SPEAKING TO ME! I’M NOT LISTENING! I’M NOT LISTENING!”

President Barack Obama

John Boehner

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 “You can be as much of a dickhead as you want, but this country does not have a revenue problem, it has a spending problem and we are willing to shut down the whole government to prove a point. Until you come to the table and negotiate, we don’t care what happens.”

Johnny Boner

 - - -

Barack Obama

“I’M NOT LISTENING! I’M NOT LISTENING! I’M NOT LISTENING. AND I SURE AS HELL AIN’T NEGOTIATING! We already negotiated spending the money this raise in the debt ceiling will cover. Congress approved the spending, and now they have to keep the debt financed. If you don’t want to do that, Johnny Boner, you just go on ahead because I’M NOT LISTENING! I’M NOT LISTENING! I’M NOT LISTENING! I  CAN’T HEAR YOU, MR. SPEAKER!”

President Obama

John Boehner

- - -

 “That is such a mature way to act. Now is not the time for shenanigans, Mr. President. Now is the time for you to lead! Sit down and negotiate!”

Johnny Boner

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Barack Obama

 

“I really am not kidding, John. I will not negotiate on this. I’ve been stupid to do it in the past. This is a routine business item and YOU need to get YOUR party on board with that reality. This is not a ‘screw-the-president-over-and-then-blame-him- for-everything’ moment because I am not playing. LA-LA-LA! LA-LA-LA! LA-LA-LA! LA-LA-LA! LA-LA-LA! LA-LA-LA!”

President Obama

Johnny Boner

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“Jesus Christ that is annoying.”

Johnny Boner

Barack Obama

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“Interesting that you would say that. I learned it from you and Mitch McConnell. How’s your own medicine taste, bey-OTCH?”

President Obama