 |
| Barack Obama |
“Chuck?
President Obama here. Yes, your boss President Obama, you twat. I’m en route to the memorial service for Nelson Mandela and
thought I’d check in with you on the sexual assault problem you can’t seem to
solve in the military. Have you come up with anything new?”
President
Barack Obama
- - -
 |
| Chuck Hagel |
“Actually,
Mr. President, I do believe I’ve solved the problem. The answer has been right
there in front of us the whole time and somehow, we just didn’t see it.”
Secretary
of Defense Charles 'Chuck' Hagel
- - -
|
| Barack Obama |
“OK.
I’ll bite. What is this answer? And Chuck, if this is another asinine idea,
like burkas, or ice cream for dessert, I’m really going to lose it.”
President
Obama
- - -
|
| Chuck Hagel |
“No,
it’s nothing asinine. It’s pure brilliance and there is a lot of historical
evidence to prove it will work.”
Secretary
Hagel
- - -
|
| Barack Obama |
“Will
you quite selling and start telling? I’m the leader of the goddam Free World. I
don’t have time for you to give me the old razzle-dazzle, Chuck!”
President
Obama
- - -
|
| Chuck Hagel |
“Certainly
sir. The answer is chastity belts. We are going to make every woman in the
military wear a chastity belt. That will protect their private areas from
anything unwanted.”
Secretary
Hagel
- - -
|
| Barack Obama |
“No
it won’t Chuck. Are you sure you aren’t two people? You have too much stupid to
be just one. Requiring chastity belts would prevent nothing and would actually
result in a slew of lawsuits. How do you keep coming up with these patently
stupid ideas?”
President
Obama
- - -
|
| Chuck Hagel |
“I’m
thinking all the time, sir, and I don’t sleep much.”
Secretary
Hagel
- - -
|
| Barack Obama |
“Maybe
you should start. You know the earth isn’t flat, right?”
President
Obama
- - -
|
| Chuck Hagel |
“Uhm …
what?”
Secretary
Hagel
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