Overheard in Hollywood:

Justin Bieber

"I am such a bad ass. I own a Ferrari. I terrorize my neighbors. I spit on people and my bodyguards pretend to drag me away before I get my ass handed to me by some grown-up. Grrrrrr! Grrrrrrr! Don't I sound fierce? Wanna see my abs? Just don't tell my mom, OK?"

Justin Bieber, singer and insufferable asshole

Overheard in Hollywood:

Dionne Warwick

Do you know the way to bankruptcy?

Woe, woe, woe, woe, woe, woe, woe...

I've got lots of friends in bankruptcy?

Woe, woe, woe, woe, woe, woe, woe...

"I'm fucking bankrupt. Jesus Christ! Why didn't my Psychic Hotline warn me about this? Sonuvabitch!"

Dionne Warwick, a five-time Grammy Award winner, who has filed for bankruptcy and allegedly owes

$10 million in unpaid taxes and has only $25,000 in assets.

Overheard in Los Angeles:

Lindsay Lohan

"No jail for me-e-e! No jail for me-e-e! No jail for me-e-e! Take a lesson from me: only good things happen to girls who swallow."

  

 Lindsay Lohan, addict/actress/troubled soul, who has once again escaped a jail sentence, this time in connection with a drunk-driving crash.

Overheard in Hollywood:

Joan Rivers

"I am going to keep having plastic surgery until my goddam smile wraps all the way around my head—360 degrees—and my eyes are on opposite sides of my head."

Joan Rivers, legendary comedian

Overheard in a History Book:

Stephen Foster

"I was lying. The Camptown Ladies NEVER sang, 'Doo Dah, Doo Dah.' Not even ONCE. I was so full of shit."

Stephen Foster, American songwriter, who suffered from bipolar disorder. Foster is best known for his parlour and minstrel compositions

Overheard in Hollywood:

Taylor Swift

"I only fuck all these guys to get new material for hit songs. Music is a tough business. One has to make concessions for one's art."

Taylor Swift, country/pop music star with a penchant for love affairs that end badly, but with millions of songs sold.