Overheard in Hollywood:

Lindsay Lohan

"Well, it looks like I am headed to trial and may go to jail.... but how will I earn money if I am not down at the docks? Inmates only want to pay you in cigarettes."

Lindsay Lohan, addict/troubled celebrity/drunken driver

 - - -

 
"How about if I go to jail with you, Lindsay? I'll keep you company. I've been in jail. It's not so bad. You get the best drugs in jail. Jail cells are hot. Prison jumpsuits are hot. Prison guards are hot. Stoves are hot."

Paris Hilton, heiress/reality TV star/addict

Overheard in Hollywood:

Joan Rivers

"I am going to keep having plastic surgery until my goddam smile wraps all the way around my head—360 degrees—and my eyes are on opposite sides of my head."

Joan Rivers, legendary comedian

Overheard in Hollywood:

Clint Eastwood

"Yesterday, I told the world my thoughts on gay marriage and shockingly, not one person gave a shit. I'm not even sure why I thought anyone would."

Clint Eastwood, director, actor, former mayor

Overheard in Hollywood:

Anne Hathaway

"FUCK the Oscar. I am just glad I can eat again. 'I dreamed a dream.... of a Big Mac.'"

Anne Hathaway, best supporting actress Oscar winner for Les Miserables and poster child for eating disorders in America

Overheard in Hollywood:

Brittany Spears

"Being a judge on The X Factor has made me realize just how talented I really am. I'm going back into the recording studio, if I can remember where it is, and by God, I'm going to make more music you can gag on. I'd offer to demonstrate my immense talent by showing you my vagina, but I'm a mom now and you probably wouldn't want to see it."

Brittany Spears, former child star,  

pop singer, soccer mom