Overheard in Florida:

Lassie

“What the hell is it with all of these men in Florida raping their dogs and puppies? Christ! We may be man’s best friend, but even friends draw the line somewhere, shitheads. Timmy better not try that shit with me; I'll circumcise the little bastard permanently.”

Lassie, famous canine actor

Overheard in Hollywood:

Lassie

“If anyone had ever given me the chance, they would have discovered I am a far better actress than that low-life bitch Bette Davis ever was. But no. All I could ever get were roles as the heroic dog. Hollywood is run by a bunch of humans, I tell ya, and they are all out to keep the canine down. Oh shit. I mean, ‘BARK, BARK. BARK, BARK.’”

Lassie, famous actress