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| Chuck Hagel |
"Jesus CHRIST! We have got to do something about these
sexual assaults in the military! This should not be happening here! We're supposed
to be about honor! Pride! Bravery! We're not the Catholic Church, you
know."
U.S. Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel, decorated Vietnam War veteran, former senator, and GOP member. His net worth is estimated at somewhere between $3 million and $11 million.
- - -
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| Jesus Christ |
"You called? I can't help you, Chucky. Some things, you
have to do on your own. But it is far past the time when this crime should have been stopped. It frankly should never have been allowed to start. Somehow, it seems like it should be simple. Try issuing an order: All
penises must remain inside fatigues at all times except when pissing. Might work and it can't hurt.
It would be a start at least. And you're right. You are not the Catholic Church.
Your rapes involve adults; theirs involve children. So I guess you could say
your perpetrators have a taste for older victims? That's the only difference I
see. Oh, wait. One other big difference: the Catholic Church does have prettier
uniforms."
Jesus Christ, son of God
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