Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Overheard in Washington, D.C.:



Chuck Hagel

"Jesus CHRIST! We have got to do something about these sexual assaults in the military! This should not be happening here! We're supposed to be about honor! Pride! Bravery! We're not the Catholic Church, you know."
U.S. Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel, decorated Vietnam War veteran, former senator, and GOP member. His net worth is estimated at somewhere between $3 million and $11 million.

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Jesus Christ
 "You called? I can't help you, Chucky. Some things, you have to do on your own. But it is far past the time when this crime should have been stopped. It frankly should never have been allowed to start. Somehow, it seems like it should be simple. Try issuing an order: All penises must remain inside fatigues at all times except when pissing. Might work and it can't hurt. It would be a start at least. And you're right. You are not the Catholic Church. Your rapes involve adults; theirs involve children. So I guess you could say your perpetrators have a taste for older victims? That's the only difference I see. Oh, wait. One other big difference: the Catholic Church does have prettier uniforms."

Jesus Christ, son of God

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