Overheard at the Vatican:

Jesus Christ

 “Just yesterday, one of your priests and one of your teachers in Philadelphia were sent to jail for a mighty long time for sexually assaulting a 10-year-old altar boy in 1998 … and you have nothing to say about it? Not even a ‘We are very sorry and now they will get what they gave while they are in prison. Amen.’ You need to speak up and be heard, Franny. Be a leader, make amends. Shithead.”

 Jesus Christ, son of God

- - -

Pope Francis I

“I am busy feeding the poor children, Jesus. One at a time. Sometimes I chase them down the alley with a can of ravioli in my hand. Sometimes it is a turkey sandwich. Sometimes, it is Ramen Noodles. They don’t give a fuck, they just take it and eat it all up. The poor children are the ones who matter, Jesus, now go away.”

Pope Francis I

Jesus Christ

- - -

“Franny, you don’t get to decide who matters. I do. All children matter equally. HOWEVER, you kind of sort of have this huge child sexual assault scandal all around the world and you have to deal with it. Verily, verily I say unto you: Get your saggy ass in gear and come up with a plan of contrition.”

Jesus Christ

Pope Francis I

- - -

“So, since you are here, Jesus, can I have my penis back? I've kind of missed it since you made it fall off earlier this week.”

Pope Francis I

Jesus Christ

- - -

“No, I think not. You’ll only go back to spending hours every day beating off or showing it to little old ladies and children, and I for one think you have better things to do with your time. If the world only knew what it is REALLY like at the Vatican.”

Jesus Christ

- - -

Pope Francis I

“But Jesus, how am I supposed to urinate? It has been one miserable week, you prick.”

 Pope Francis I

Jesus Christ

- - -

“Gee, I hadn’t thought about that. TTFN! (Poof!)”

Jesus Christ

Pope Francis I

- - -

“That sonuvabitch thinks he can just pop in here and start
giving me orders any time of the day or night. he’s not the boss
of me, you know.

“Oh shit.

“He made my scrotum fall off as well.  Sonuvabitch. I don't care what anyone says. Jesus has a really bad attitude.”

Pope Francis I