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| Pope Francis I |
“Who
am I to judge the gay priests? Jesus said don’t judge; I don’t judge.
Instead, I blow them kisses! Rainbow-colored kisses! I don’t even care if they have a partner
they love and cherish! Good for them! I would much rather that than they
spend the church’s money on rent boy prostitutes! If the gay priests want to
come talk to me, come and talk to me! I don’t know much about interior
decorating and dance clubs, but I do my best! At night, when I say my
prayers, I say, ‘Thank you, God, for giving me at least some priests who
are not pedophiles!’ A pope must be happy for what he gets! And
remember what else Jesus say, ‘Feed the hungry children—don’t rape
them'!”
Pope Francis I
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| Jesus Christ |
“What
enlightenment! See what getting the fuck away from Vatican City does to
a body? You actually start thinking! Now… if you are going to sing,
‘For He’s a Jolly Good Gay Fellow,’ for your priests and their
significant others, Franny my boy, should the church also be saying,
‘Welcome Straight Boys!’ to the heterosexual priests? And should you be
encouraging the heterosexuals to have significant others so they can lead lives that
might actually leave them feeling happy and fulfilled as well? And what the hell, Franny, why not welcome all the NON-PAPAL gays and lesbians who only want acceptance? Verily,
verily I say unto you, just keep in mind, that when asked about their
sexual orientation, an overwhelming percentage of pedophiles identify
themselves as heterosexuals—Yes, it’s true!—so you must always be diligent and watchful!”
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