“We
are living in the end times, people! President Obama is selling arms to
al-Queda! Chickens are mating with foxes! The oceans are turning red! Trees are
shrinking! Earthquakes are making giant milkshake spouts form over the North
Pole! Santa Claus is rewarding the bad kids! Barbara Bush had an orgasm! Up is
down! Down is up! Love is all around us but we are square, so it doesn’t count!
My formerly gay husband is back to teabagging perfect strangers! The world is
turning flat! But it doesn’t matter because the earth is going to explode! The
Beast—the Antichrist—is coming! He’s wearing a pantsuit and his name is Hillary
Clinton! Pretty soon, we’ll have Satan in the oval office having sex right on
the American flag, spewing his demon seed all over the place! What a mess!
Demon semen! Get ready, people, because we are all going to die!”
Michele
Bachmann
(R-State of Klonopin)
- - -
 |
| Bill Clinton |
“You know I’d bang her, right? Crazy
women are absolutely the best! Trust me on that one. You can feel the crazy right in their... you know. But have sex on the
American flag? Right there in the Oval Office? Even I never… wait. I take that
back. Michele Bachmann has no idea. Really. She has no idea.”
Bill Clinton, former president/cigar
aficionado/possible future first lady
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