Overheard in Wyoming:

Liz Cheney

“I am challenging the GOP incumbent for one of two of Wyoming’s seats in the U.S. Senate. The voices are telling me it is time. You can tell Sen. Mike Enzi I am coming for him. I have my crayons with me and you all know what I do with crayons.”

Liz Cheney, extremely smug and abrasive far right wing conservative pundit steeped heavily in the politics of fear and maintaining a distance from reality.

- - -

Rand Paul

“When I heard you were running, I thought it was for a seat in the state where you lived until only just recently—you know, Virginia? Because you damn well ain’t from Wyoming. I hope Sen. Enzi challenges your residency and sends your crazy ass back to Virginia. Your daddy may well be one of the richest and craziest bastards on the planet, but that does not give you license to pull shit such as this. You are one pile of crazy.”

Sen. Randall Howard “Rand” Paul (R-Kentucky), the America's favorite TEA Party-affiliated Libertarian, who is considering a presidential run in 2016.

Liz Cheney

- - -

“Mind your own business, Randall Howard, or I’ll visit YOU with my crayons.”

Liz Cheney

Rand Paul

- - -

 “OOOOOOhhhh. The crazy woman is SOOOOO scary. Tell me, is it your face or your sneer that’s supposed to make me afraid?”

Sen. Paul

Liz Cheney

- - -

“SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! You are going to make me do

something really bad…”

Liz Cheney

Rand Paul

- - -

“Careful Lizzie or the orderlies will come to visit with some special medicine and you’ll wake up in December!”

Sen. Paul

 

Overheard in Washington, D.C.:

Rand Paul

“Yes, it is true. Over the years, I have had very close aides of mine who have engaged in some pretty racist shit. And it is absolutely true that I told Rachel Maddow that I believe the Civil Rights Act of 1964 should not have made it illegal for businesses to discriminate on the basis of race. It was broadcast, for crying out loud. I tried to deny it, but they have the film. Fucking MSNBC never throws ANYTHING away. What I want is for America to believe me and the words I’m saying now, not my choice of staff or the words I said on a television show: I love everyone. I am a ‘people’ person. I don’t care what color your skin is, just as long as you have some. People without skin are just kind of creepy. Send me to the White House, people. Now isn’t that just a coincidence? The guy with the racist staff, who made the anti-civil rights comments, wants to go to live in the WHITE House. I chuckle at the irony. Now, if I get there in 2016, perhaps I can hire Paula Deen as my chef. She’s racist enough to be on my staff.”

Sen. Randall Howard “Rand” Paul (R-Kentucky), the America's favorite TEA Party-affiliated Libertarian, who is considering a presidential run in 2016. 

Paula Deen

 - - -

“Stop saying I’m racist! I’m not. What do I have to do to prove I’m not—kiss a wetback on the mouth? Sonuvabitch! Sen. Paul, you made me say ‘wetback!’ Oh well, at least it wasn’t ‘nigger.’ Goddamit, Paula! I think maybe I have Tourette’s syndrome. There has to be some reason why I can't stop saying these things. Tourette's would explain it all, wouldn’t it?”

Paula Deen, America's favorite racist chef.

Overheard on 'Hannity':

Barack Obama

“I ‘fostered a culture of corruption’? Whoa there, buckaroo. I did no such thing. Those are some pretty strong words for someone who has been in office for what, 17 months, having never held any office before? And what have you done during that time that you’ve earned the right to criticize me? You stupid piece of shit. I think you've been spending too much time hanging around with Rick Santorum sucking down ice cream cones.”

President Barack Obama

Rand Paul

- - -

“My lack of having done anything except say mean things isn’t at issue here. You’ve got cabinet members with secret e-mail accounts. You are investigating reporters who are just doing their jobs. You are targeting political groups using the IRS. You are surrounded by a constellation of scandals. I especially liked that last phrase, 'constellation of scandals.' Took me half a day to come up with that one.”

Rick Santorum

Sen. Randall Howard “Rand” Paul

- - -

"MmmH RRRfff fliggeety jibbitr?"

(Translation: "What's wrong with sucking down ice cream cones?")

Former Sen. Rick Santorum

Barack Obama

- - -

“Are you for real, Sen. Paul? You go on ‘Hannity’ and say that shit, but you have no facts to back it up and no record of your own to demonstrate your ability to lead? Wow! You really are running for president in 2016, aren’t you, RAN-DULL? Well have at it, Mr. Libertarian. Sticks and stones might break my bones, but you're too much of a little girl to hit me from more than two feet away. And most importantly, remember, I'm not the person you will be running against in 2016.”

 President Obama