Overheard in Washington, D.C.:

John Boehner

"What I wanna know right now, so I can go out back
and have a smoke, is who is going to be arrested over this IRS bullshit. Someone should be in HANDCUFFS!
I DEMAND IT!"

Speaker of the House John Boehner, whose personal fortune is estimated at between $1.7 and $5.5 million.

 - - -

Lindsey Graham

"Oh, Y-E-E-S-S-S! HANDCUFFS! And I want to see a
strip search as well! I'll bring the latex-free gloves. I have my
own special brand."

Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-South Carolina), America's favorite lesbian lawmaker, who has a net worth of somewhere between $600,000 and $1.3 million. Graham may face a TEA Party backed challenger in the 2014 primary due to the number of times he has acted against the TEA's prescribed reign of terror.