Overheard in Washington:

Lindsey Graham

"We are close to having 70 votes on this immigration bill, and I for one couldn't be prouder. We are going to spend trillions of dollars on border security. First we'll build a giant 90 foot high fence surrounded by minefields and zombie guards that never have to sleep. Then it will have a giant moat filled with crocodiles, piranhas, black mamba snakes and the children from that old movie, 'The Village of the Damned.' Not the remake. The original. It was MUCH scarier. Then we will have an armed guard every 10 feet. Automated flamethrowers, and roadside trinket stores, because who can really resist those? You're driving along, trying to get somewhere, and there is always someone in the care who has to stop to pee. Except these won't be real stores. They will be immigration stations where papers will be inspected. They will have little gift shops, though, to make a bit of money. It is going to be WONDERFUL. I think we will have people who want to hold weddings here. Really I do."

Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-South Carolina), America's favorite hermaphrodite lawmaker.

Rand Paul

 - - -

"Well, I still don't think you've made border patrol enough of a priority, so I am going to vote against it."

Sen. Randall Howard “Rand” Paul (R-Kentucky), the America's favorite TEA Party-affiliated Libertarian, who is considering a presidential run in 2016.

Lindsey Graham

  - - -

"Sen. Paul, you realize that if this immigration reform bill fails, we might as well just say goodbye to the GOP? If this doesn't work, and we don't buy some support from the Latino population, we are doomed, fucked, murdered, dead on arrival, finished, former, done, and kaput."

Rand Paul

Sen. Graham

 - - -

"Then I guess it is a good goddam thing I'm a Libertarian, isn't it?"

Sen. Paul

 
 - - -

Lindsey Graham

  

"Wow. I didn't realize you were that much of a bitch. I am impressed. Will you be my new BFF?"

Sen Graham