 |
| Jesus Christ |
“Congratulations on being named ‘Man
of the Year’ by the Italian edition of Vanity Fair Magazine, Franny.”
Jesus Christ, son of God.
 |
| Pope Francis I |
- - -
“Thank
you, Jesus. I’m not sure what I did, but apparently, I did it.”
Pope
Francis I
|
| Jesus Christ |
- - -
“I’m kind of surprised, though. You
haven’t been in office for a year. How could you be ‘man of the year’ when
you’ve only been pope for a few months? The award certainly IS NOT
because of all of the work you have done for children raped by your priests, despite my many requests.”
Jesus Christ
|
| Pope Francis I |
- - -
“No,
I haven’t gotten to that, yet. Jesus Christ, Jesus! Boy, you tell me I am a one-track pope… you are
a
one-track savior. All you care about is the sexual assault survivors. Fuck
the survivors. Who cares about them?”
Pope
Francis I
- - -
|
| Jesus Christ |
“I
care because every single one of them matters, so listen up, you little bitch:
I care about everyone. Except Rick Santorum. I just don’t like the guy. But I
am Jesus Christ, right? Caring for all people comes with the territory. You
know what? I am getting pretty tired of having this discussion with you. So,
with a wave of my hand, and say the magic word, ‘SALAMIONRYE,’ and POOF!
half of the church’s money just disappeared and there is absolutely no way you
can get it back. I’ve altered bank statements, printouts, YOU NAME IT—I’ve
fixed it. Maybe losing MONEY will motivate you.”
Jesus
Christ
|
| Pope Francis I |
- - -
“You bastard! You put that back $90
billion back in our account, RIGHT NOW! We need that money to feed the
poor little back alley children and pay off sexual assault survivor lawsuits.
Do you have any idea how many crooked Bingo games we have to run to raise that
kind of cash? Do it for the children, Jesus.”
Pope
Francis I
 |
| Jesus Christ |
- - -
“Verily verily I say unto you: ‘Go FUCK
thyself.’ Bye bye, Franny. See you soon.”
Jesus Christ
|
| Pope Francis I |
- - -
"Who in the fuck does he think he
is? The son of God? Oh. Wait..."
Pope Francis I
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