 |
| Theresa Heinz Kerry |
“Johnny! Johnny! Where are you! I need
you to come home right now!”
Theresa Heinz Kerry
- - -
 |
| John Kerry |
“Now, now, Tessie, I’m in Europe right now and
can’t come home. What’s the matter, sweetums?“
Secretary of State John
Kerry
- - -
|
| Theresa Heinz Kerry |
“There
are Orcs in the basement, John! You need to come home, bring your sword, go and get Gandolf, and deal with them! They are some scary creatures and I want them out of there! I
think there may be Goblins down there too, but I can’t tell for sure!”
Theresa Heinz Kerry
- - -
|
| John Kerry |
“Tessie, what makes you think there are Orcs
and Goblins down in the basement? I didn’t notice any the last time I was down
there. Do you even know where the basement is?”
Secretary Kerry
- - -
|
| Theresa Heinz Kerry |
“I
built this house with my own two hands, so I damn well do know where the
basement is, Mr. John Kerry: The BASEMENT
is UNDER the rest of the house.”
Theresa Heinz Kerry
- - -
|
| John Kerry |
“Oh, you little minx. You got me good that
time, didn’t you?”
Secretary Kerry
- - -
 |
| Theresa Heinz Kerry |
“Did
you sell any sweet relish this week? Production says they are getting backed up. You are the director of international sales, you know.”
Theresa Heinz Kerry
- - -
 |
| John Kerry |
“No, I’ve been a little busy healing some hurt
feelings over here, honey, and just haven’t had the time. What have you been up
to? Watching ‘The Lord of the Rings’ again?”
Secretary Kerry
- - -
|
| Theresa Heinz Kerry |
“I
don’t have time to watch movies, Johnny! I am a busy woman! Why does this
company give you a paycheck, Johnny! You work for Heinz! You need to move
product! Now get to work! When will you be reporting in again? Tomorrow? Next
Week? Answer quickly, Willy Loman!”
Theresa Heinz Kerry
|
| John Kerry |
- - -
“I don’t know, Tessie. I’ll be reporting in
soon.”
Secretary Kerry
- - -
|
| Theresa Heinz Kerry |
“Listen, I expect SALES! Now get to WORK! Who are you, ANY WAY? Stop calling my private number! My husband is a very jealous man!"
Theresa Heinz Kerry
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