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| George Washington |
“Another
George Washington Myth: My false teeth were made of wood. Perish the thought. Hasn’t anyone ever
thought that maybe a set of wooden teeth might just become soggy if subjected
to a constant bath of saliva and other liquids? That bullshit-on-a-stick was
nothing more than an effort to make me seem like more of a ‘common man,’
because everyone wants a ‘common man,’ a ‘Joe Sixpack,’ or a ‘Robert
Bagadonuts’ as the leader of their country, right? In truth, I used dentures made from a variety of materials—including ivory, gold, and
lead. If anyone actually bothered to look it up, they’d know dentists of my
time didn’t even fucking use wood. The other items offered a much higher markup
value, and dentists were a bunch of money-grubbing cockwhores even back then.”
George
Washington, believed to be the father of our country,
though paternity tests are inconclusive
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