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| The Cardinals |
"OK guys, before we get to work here, I would like us
to consider making honorary priest, Father Jerry Sandusky of Pennsylvania,
U.S.A., a saint. Yeah, I know he is not dead yet, but in light of the miracle
he performed, I'd like to see that rule waived. His miracle? Two actually.
First, that it took so bloody long for him to get caught, and second, that he
was only charged with but a small fraction of his actual offenses. He is a pedophile of whom we can all be proud--or at least jealous! Let's have a cheer: Jer-ry. JER-RY! JER-RY! JER-RY! JER-RY! JER-RY!"
The Cardinals
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| Jesus Christ |
- - -
"Listen up, Funny Hat Brigade. You are actually
managing the unthinkable: you are starting to piss off Jesus Christ, the son of
God, something that is damn hard to do. If you actually make Jerry the
Pedophile a saint, prepare for plagues. I'm talking locusts, lightning, frogs, giant
beetles, snakes, kumquats, kazoo parades, small children with runny noses, telemarketers, and a 24-hour Brittney Spears concert. ALL AT ONCE. I'm
pretty sure Father will sanction it when I tell him what you are considering.
Fucking ingrates. Don't you know the meaning of the word propriety? What? No, I don't have a lamb today. Friday is cheeseburger night
here in Heaven. I'll bet that pisses the Catholics off after all those years of 'Fish on Friday.' HA! And no, I'm not
carrying a cow around. A lamb is easy to carry. A steer is a lot more
cumbersome. What would I do with it, balance it on my head? I could do that but
it would look pretty stupid, don't you think?"
Jesus Christ
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