Overheard in Washington, D.C.:

Rand Paul

"There IS a written IRS policy that authorizes the IRS to piss all over anyone who opposes the president..

…No, I've never seen it…

…No, I've never read it…

…No, it's never been read to me…

…But I have heard of that piece of paper and I do believe it exists…

"Goddammit, it HAS to exist, otherwise, I am going to look like the biggest douchebag in town!"

Sen. Rand Paul (R-Kentucky), the TEA Party-affiliated Libertarian considering a presidential run in 2016. Paul had never held office before winning election to the Senate 2010. Prior to being elected, Paul was an ophthalmologist. His personal wealth is estimated at $1.2 million.

Jesus Christ

- - -

"I've heard of Santa Claus, but I do not believe the motherfucker exists. Frosty is bullshit as well. What is it with you and the hair? Get it fixed, for Father's sake. And what's with the name? Did your asshole father name you after a map?
You really are a silly twat, aren't you?"

Jesus Christ, son of God