 |
| Vladimir Putin |
“Trust
me, American people. If Vladimir Putin wants to stick his finger in your eye,
he will pull it back with your eyeball attached to it, like little Jack Horner, his thumb, his plum and his Christmas pie. I don’t play…
how do you say it ... the ‘funny-funny.’ If I wanted to fuck
President Obama over this Snowden, I would pull down my pants and do
it while displaying my
proud Russian manhood. If I was going to
fuck America, I would not blink in doing it because we Russians do not blink.
Ever. Stare at my face here. You will not see me blink. Blinking is against law.”
Russian President Vladimir Putin
 |
| Barack Obama |
- - -
“I
don’t know about you, Sen. Blood and Guts, but this Putin scares the living shit out of
me. He doesn’t blink, he doesn’t back down, and he never stops being a prick.
He’s like a Terminator; he just keeps coming at you.”
President
Barack Obama
- - -
 |
| John McCain |
“He
doesn’t scare me, Mr. President. Why, give me a mouse trap, four yoga mats, and
a carrot peeler and in three days, I can have him speaking American with a
Minnesotan accent and tap dancing to ‘Yankee Doodle Dandy’. Just say the words
and old ‘Blood and Guts’ McCain will kick his ass, and then roast it to feed
hungry orphans. And when I’m done with Putin, I’ll bring that traitor Edward Snowden back from the
gates of hell, if necessary, to ensure he gets what he deserves. He's a young whippersnapper who needs to understand the error of his ways."
Sen.
John McCain (R-Arizona)
 |
| Lindsey Graham |
- - -
“Don’t
you DARE hurt Putin, John. He sounds VERY MANLY to me. I, for one, can’t
want to have a taste of his uhm… borscht.”
Sen.
Lindsey Graham (R-South Carolina)
|
| John McCain |
- - -
“You
really give me the willies, you know that, right?”
Sen.
McCain
|
| Lindsey Graham |
- - -
“John,
I’ve never given you the willy. Never, ever, ever. You'd
know if I had, BELIEVE me. We’re just friends, Johnny, so don’t
ask again.”
ask again.”
Sen.
Graham
|
| John McCain |
- - -
“Mr.
President, might it be permissible for me to take Sen. Graham on my mission to
Russia?”
Sen.
McCain
|
| Barack Obama |
- - -
“Only
if you promise to hurt him before leaving him there.”
President
Obama
|
| John McCain |
- - -
“Done.”
Sen.
McCain
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