 |
| Rick Perry |
"Hey!
Ken! Ken Cuccinelli! I want to talk to you!”
Gov.
Rick Perry
(R-Texas)
 |
| Ken Cuccinelli |
- - -
“What can I do for you Gov. Perry?”
Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli, Republican candidate for governor.
Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli, Republican candidate for governor.
- - -
|
| Rick Perry |
“I
just want to congratulate you on your position on upholding Virginia’s anti-sodomy law. Personally, I just can’t tolerate munching my wife’s carpet
either, which is why I hold onto Texas’ anti-sodomy law like it was the Baby
Jesus himself. Real men don’t munch carpets—or at least they do it as little as
possible and don’t ever talk about it.”
|
| Ken Cuccinelli |
Gov.
Perry
- - -
“Well thanks, Gov. Perry. I really
appreciate the support. I’m sort of in the doghouse at home ever since my
dislike of going downstairs became public knowledge. My wife always assumed I
was fine with it.”
|
| Rick Perry |
- - -
"Well,
don’t you give in.”
Gov.
Perry
|
| Ken Cuccinelli |
“I don’t know. The little lady has said
‘Little Ken’ won’t be visiting her tonsils anytime soon unless I get with the
program, so I just may have to reverse course—at least privately.”
Ken Cuccinelli
 |
| Bobby Jindal |
- - -
“Don’t
you dare! Be strong! I’m behind you all the way, though not ‘behind you’ in a
gay way, of course, but figuratively speaking, in a Republican kind of way.”
|
| Ken Cuccinelli |
Gov.
Bobby Jindal
(R-Louisiana)
- - -
“I didn’t know there were this many
governors who hated spending time in the cellar! Holy shit! It is so
heartwarming to know that I have this many friends!”
Ken Cuccinelli
- - -
|
| Bobby Jindal |
“Oh
hell yeah. Thirteen states still have anti-sodomy laws! We are members of the Governors Against Sodomy organization. Hell, I still have some
parishes that enforce it the law we never repealed! We choose to ignore the Supreme Court ruling that
overturned the Texas anti-sodomy law, well, because we’re from Louisiana! We
don’t pay heed to federal bullshit!”
|
| Rick Perry |
Gov.
Jindal
- - -
“It’s true. The Supreme Court did overturn
our law, but we have never taken it off the books and enforce it whenever we
can! Fuck the Supreme Court! The entire GOP in Texas opposes removing that law
and actually keeps all repeal efforts so far down on the legislative agenda
that we will never see it come to vote. HA HA, suckers!”
Gov. Perry
 |
| Sam Brownstone |
- - -
“And
back in 2012, when Kansas was busy purging outdated laws, by God, Kansas left
its sodomy statute right in place! If my wife wants oral care, she can just
visit her dentist because my tongue does not go south for anything. Except
maybe for ice cream in Mexico. Get it? Tongue? Ice cream? South? Mexico? HO HO
HO!”
Gov.
Sam Brownback
(R-Kansas)
- - -
“Guys… I’m telling ya… you’re morons.
You just have no idea. Really. You just have no idea. But now I understand why
all of your wives look so desperate and keep calling my office. Don’t worry;
I’m glad to step in and lend a … hand.”
Former President Bill Clinton
(D-Arkansas)
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