Overheard Everywhere:

Bobby Jindal

“What’s wrong with a reality television show giving an interview to a magazine and suggesting homosexuality is just a mystery to him because the vagina is just so much more appealing than the asshole? This is America! Anyone can say what they want! What happened to the First Amendment!”

Gov. Bobby Jindal (R-Louisiana)

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Sarah Palin

“I’m with you, Bobby! Who gives to shits about the gays anyway? God doesn't like them. It's in the bible.”

Sarah Palin

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Bashar al-Assad

“I am with you, too, Bobby, you cute little brown skin boy! I chase the gays out of my country or just kill them with the barrel bombs! Barrel bombs, barrel bombs, how I love my barrel bombs! It is so funny when the little gay boys go BOOM! I chuckle!”

Syrian President Bashar al-Assad

Overheard in Anti-Sodomy Class:

Rick Perry

"Hey! Ken! Ken Cuccinelli! I want to talk to you!”

Gov. Rick Perry (R-Texas)

Ken Cuccinelli

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“What can I do for you Gov. Perry?” 
Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli, Republican candidate for governor.

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Rick Perry

  

“I just want to congratulate you on your position on upholding Virginia’s anti-sodomy law. Personally, I just can’t tolerate munching my wife’s carpet either, which is why I hold onto Texas’ anti-sodomy law like it was the Baby Jesus himself. Real men don’t munch carpets—or at least they do it as little as possible and don’t ever talk about it.”

Ken Cuccinelli

Gov. Perry

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“Well thanks, Gov. Perry. I really appreciate the support. I’m sort of in the doghouse at home ever since my dislike of going downstairs became public knowledge. My wife always assumed I was fine with it.”

Rick Perry

Ken Cuccinelli

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"Well, don’t you give in.”

Gov. Perry

Ken Cuccinelli

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“I don’t know. The little lady has said ‘Little Ken’ won’t be visiting her tonsils anytime soon unless I get with the program, so I just may have to reverse course—at least privately.”

Ken Cuccinelli

Bobby Jindal

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“Don’t you dare! Be strong! I’m behind you all the way, though not ‘behind you’ in a gay way, of course, but figuratively speaking, in a Republican kind of way.”

Ken Cuccinelli

Gov. Bobby Jindal (R-Louisiana)

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“I didn’t know there were this many governors who hated spending time in the cellar! Holy shit! It is so heartwarming to know that I have this many friends!”

Ken Cuccinelli

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Bobby Jindal

“Oh hell yeah. Thirteen states still have anti-sodomy laws! We are members of the Governors Against Sodomy organization. Hell, I still have some parishes that enforce it the law we never repealed! We choose to ignore the Supreme Court ruling that overturned the Texas anti-sodomy law, well, because we’re from Louisiana! We don’t pay heed to federal bullshit!”

Rick Perry

Gov. Jindal

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“It’s true. The Supreme Court did overturn our law, but we have never taken it off the books and enforce it whenever we can! Fuck the Supreme Court! The entire GOP in Texas opposes removing that law and actually keeps all repeal efforts so far down on the legislative agenda that we will never see it come to vote. HA HA, suckers!”

Gov. Perry

Sam Brownstone

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“And back in 2012, when Kansas was busy purging outdated laws, by God, Kansas left its sodomy statute right in place! If my wife wants oral care, she can just visit her dentist because my tongue does not go south for anything. Except maybe for ice cream in Mexico. Get it? Tongue? Ice cream? South? Mexico? HO HO HO!”

Gov. Sam Brownback (R-Kansas)

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“Guys… I’m telling ya… you’re morons. You just have no idea. Really. You just have no idea. But now I understand why all of your wives look so desperate and keep calling my office. Don’t worry; I’m glad to step in and lend a … hand.”

Former President Bill Clinton (D-Arkansas)

Overheard in Louisiana:

Gov. Bobby Jindal

"Down here in Louisiana, we have an unconstitutional law that uses public dollars to send poor and middle income students to private 'schools' that use textbooks that are often inaccurate. We teach our kids lots of things, like dinosaurs and people were on the earth at the same time, all hippies were dirty Satan worshipers, and most slave owners treated their slaves like members of the family! And when I am president of these United States, this is exactly the kind of FORWARD and PROGRESSIVE thinking I will bring to the entire nation! God bless America!"

Gov. Bobby Jindal, rising star in the GOP and suggested presidential candidate.

 

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"Jesus Christ! I think the sonuvabitch is SERIOUS! Run for the hills, boys!"

Slim Pickens, actor