 |
| Rick Perry |
“Hey,
Sen. Cruz! Sen. Cruz! I need to talk with you.”
Gov.
Rick Perry
(R-Texas)
- - -
 |
| Ted Cruz |
“What
can I do for you, Gov. Perry? Are you going to give me a wedgie or something?”
Sen.
Ted Cruz
(R-Texas)
|
| Rick Perry |
- - -
“Well,
for starters, Snidely Whiplash, you can sit down and shut the fuck up.”
|
| Ted Cruz |
Gov.
Perry
- - -
“Say
what? Snidely Whothefuck?”
Sen.
Cruz
|
| Rick Perry |
- - -
“You
heard me. Sit down and shut the fuck up. Everywhere I go, everything I read,
everything is focusing on the potential for you to run for president in 2016.
And people seem to be buying your total bullshit ‘no compromising—ever!’
shtick. But you gotta understand, 2016 is going to be MY year, not yours. Jesus
F. Christ, you are only 42-years-old! You have lots of time! I’m old enough to
be your goddam father! I won’t have another chance.”
Gov.
Perry
|
| Ted Cruz |
- - -
“OK.
So let me get this straight: In 2012, that nomination was yours for the taking.
People were calling you OUT to step up and be the party’s nominee for
president. But you fucked it up and the voters turned on you. But now that
people are discovering the wonder and glory that is TED CRUZ, I am supposed to
back away and let you have a second chance?”
Sen. Cruz
Sen. Cruz
|
| Rick Perry |
- - -
“Yes.
That’s what I am saying, though you did it with much more eloquence than I EVER
could muster. I suspect it is because you fellated a lot of English teachers. You are in the first year of service of your first year in office
of ANY kind. You have even LESS experience than Obama had when he
kicked our asses in 2008. How can you POSSIBLY believe you are qualified to be
president of these United States?”
Gov.
Perry
|
| Ted Cruz |
- - -
“Look,
Gov. Perry, I understand where you are coming from, but seriously, you are demonstrating an incredibly ability to be irrational.”
|
| Rick Perry |
Sen.
Cruz
- - -
“I
don’t have an ear rash.”
Gov.
Perry
- - -
|
| Ted Cruz |
“Right.
Look, haven’t you figured this out yet? The less record you have when you run
for president, the better off you are. If you have no record to run on, you can
probably run pretty far. I should coast into the White House in 2016 in a
landslide because I don't have a record of doing any thing, good or bad. Now leave me alone and go get that ear rash of yours looked at.”
Sen.
Cruz
|
| Rick Perry |
- - -
“But
I don’t have an ear rash, dammit.”
Gov.
Perry
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