 |
| Bashar al-Assad |
“I
think if there were chemical weapons used in Syria, some of the people who work
for me did it without permission. Maybe.”
President
Bashar al-Assad
- - -
 |
| Barack Obama |
“Look. Do you realize how hard it is to
believe that ANYTHING goes on in Syria without you knowing about it? I
suspect you have secret spy cams that let you know when people don’t change
their socks and underwear and you then arrange for them to be run over, just so
they will all disobey their mothers’ warnings and end up at the hospital while
wearing unclean underwear.”
President Barack Obama
|
| Bashar al-Assad |
- - -
“We
do not talk about other people’s underwear here in Syria, you Great White
Satan.”
President
al-Assad
|
| Barack Obama |
- - -
“President al-Assad, look at me. Do I
look white to you?”
President Obama
- - -
|
| Bashar al-Assad |
“No,
you look tan to me. The 'Great White Satan' thing was something one member of my cabinet said I should throw
out there. I told them it was so much stupid, but they insist. I am sorry if I offend you, you imperialistic pig. Here you are a
Nobel Peace Prize winner and all you want to do is going around tossing bombs
at countries in the Middle East and Africa! What is it we have done to you? We
have thrown no bombs at you! We have thrown no chemical weapons in your face!
We have not watched you twitch and die! Did you know any of the Syrians who
were killed? No, you did not! None of them were on your Pen Pal list. Syria is
just one poor country. We cannot defend ourselves from the military might of
the United States. Leave us.”
President
al-Assad
- - -
|
| Barack Obama |
“Oh, give me a break. Stop your whining. Eat
your peas. You used chemical weapons on your own citizens Bashar! The world
can’t tolerate that!”
President Obama
- - -
|
| Bashar al-Assad |
“If
you shoot anything at us, just know there will be really big reprisals! We can defeat America, you know. Maybe
we will use sarin in your city subways! Or feed sarin to your children through
their school lunches! Or maybe I will personally come over there and give you a
vicious pinch, Mr. Obama.”
President
al-Assad
- - -
|
| Barack Obama |
“Come on over, Mr. Nerve Gas. I think
I’d like to have you try to pinch me. I’m a little bit tougher than women
and babies, you know, you fucking sand monkey.”
President Obama
- - -
|
| Bashar al-Assad |
“Yes,
you are tougher than women and babies. But not by much. In Syria, even our
fetuses are tough and could probably kick your tanned ass.”
President
al-Assad
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