Overheard on Fox:

Rick Santorum

 

“While I used to support military intervention in Syria, I no longer do.”

Rick Santorum

Mister Ed

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“Why is that, Rick?”

Mister Ed, famous talking horse and Fox host

Rick Santorum

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“I just don’t. It no longer is in America’s best interests. “

 Rick Santorum

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Mister Ed

“That’s not really an answer, Ruh-ruh-ricky. The world knows what a keen sense of intuitive reasoning you possess and wants to hear your analysis. And Rick, I want to pretend you are in the confessional speaking to your priest, in other words, give me the goddam truth, Mr. Smirky Boy.”

Mister Ed

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Rick Santorum

“Confession? All right. I’ll confess. First, back when I called for military action in Syria—a year and a half ago—I did so because I never thought President Obama would come out and support it.  But now that he has, I can’t give my support to anything that nig—that nihilist pushes for. I’ll lose my base of support! 

 Rick Santorum

Paula Deen

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“Careful there, Ricky. If you say ‘nigger,’ you get in ALL sorts of trouble. Even if you said it only because that sly southern boy Matt Lauer made you do it.”

Paula Deen

Matt Lauer

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“Paula … Quit saying that you old cow. I didn’t trick you and you just said it again.”

Matt Lauer

Paula Deen

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“Oh, fuck me with a buttered biscuit! That one was Ricky Santorum’s fault.”

Paula Deen

 

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Rick Santorum

"Are you two done? Good...

"... Then there is reason number two: I am only worried about children when they are still in the womb. By God, we’ll have no chemical weaponry, like that Plan B abortion pill, used on babies in the womb. Nosiree. But once the babies are outside the womb, if they aren’t white and highly sought after in the adoption marketplace, I couldn’t give two shits about them. Nope. Not. Two. Shits. You wanna melt those Syrian babies with chemical weaponry? Go right the fuck ahead and do it. I'm a Roman Catholic. And what is the biggest adopted child racket in the world? The Catholics! But you can’t give those sonuvabitchin’ Syrian babies away. Nobody wants Syrian babies except the homosexuals. The homos will take them, but they are about the only ones who will, and you know I don’t support the rights of homosexuals period, but especially not the right to adopt children. That’s just asking for the next generation of homos and lesbos to be created, because everyone knows homo-parents make homo-babies. Why do you think I fight so hard against abortion in America? There’s a market out there for white babies. What I’m saying is true. I read it in the bible.”

Rick Santorum

Mister Ed

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“Will somebody please call an ambulance? I think my brain just started leaking. I asked a politician to tell the truth and he did. And the scariest part is he is really telling us how he feels.”

Mister Ed